Of roses and lillies

I believe in the secret language of dreams
I do
Those midnights dreams,
daydreams,
dream journeys
dreams I call reality,
They all speak in this secret language.

They speak of secrets deeply buried
inside of my own queendom,
Dark secrets eager to be revealed
and remembered.

They sometimes speak in Archetypes
and my whole world lights up
with the secret knowledge
buried in its psyche.

Some other times they speak
in animal voices
In spirit animal disguise
In the secret life of bees.
I dreamed of
a wolf,
an otter
a dolphin
a reindeer
And they all carried a deep message for me
As well as a special power
yet to be discovered and channeled.

At times they speak through the departed
My mother, my grandmother
They all speak to me still
From far beyond my reach,
my understanding.

But then there are those other times
when they speak to me through the dreams of others
They speak to me in signs.
Teaching me to recognise the signs
To trust and follow them
As quirky, even crazy it may all seem to my educated mind,
They do speak if I take the trouble to listen.

Listen to the elephants
and lillies and roses
and reindeer shawls and sweaters
and hidden messages in books that haunt me
and coincidences
and numbers
and unbelievable amazing events
that occur in the middle of uneventful living.

All there to remind me
of me
of life inside and out of me
of the Universe
of things I cannot place into simple words.

But you will know them
if you follow your own
roses and lillies.

I promise.

Nothing is useless to the source

Some words require to be spoken
As some feelings require to be felt,
Some facts require to be broken
As some fears require to be melt.

Some stories require to be written
As some stories require to be gone,
Some tongues require to be bitten
As some tears require to be spawn.

Some loves require to be fallen
As some loves require to be raised,
Some kisses require to be stollen
As some eyes require to be amazed.

Some mouths require to be silenced
As some throats require to be cut,
Some acts require acts of violence
As some eyes require to be shut.

Some fires require to be stricken
As some fires require to be lit,
Some thoughts require to be unwritten
As some thoughts require to be fit.

Some poisons require to be swallowed
As some poisons require to be spit,
Some dreams require to be followed
As some dreams require to be quit.

But neither peace nor war required
As neither love nor hate,
Neither caress nor touch desired
Could ever be a waste of fate.

And my desire is God's desire
As source requires to see it's course,
Neither my longing nor my fire,
Nothing is useless to the source.

The one I used to be

I used to be a wife
A good wife, I used to think
Doing all the things a good wife would do.
Being pretty, and sexual and true.
I was the good wife of the man I loved
A good man, I used to think
Doing all the things a good man would do.

Then, one morning, I saw myself
Not good enough, I used to think
Doing all of the things a bad wife would do.
Lying and cheating and blaming too.
Feeling guilty.
I was the bad wife of the man who left.

I used to be a daughter
A good daughter, I used to think
Doing all of the things a good daughter would do.
I was the good daughter of my mother
A good mother, I used to think
Doing all of the things a good mother would do.

Only one night, I saw myself
Not good enough, I used to think
Doing all of the things a bad daughter would do.
Not being there near my mother's death bed.
Feeling guilty.
A bad daughter of the mother who died.

I used to be a mother
A good mother, I used to think.
Doing all the good things a mother would do,
Mothering with sacrifice.
I was the good mother to the children I bore
The children I birthed and nurtured.

Until one day, I saw myself
A bad mother, I used to think
Doing all of the things a bad mother would do.
Being self centred, and angry and overwhelmed.
Feeling guilty.
A bad mother to the children who cried.

I used to be a person,
A good person, I used to think.
Doing all of the things a good person would do,
Meditating, eating healthy, helping the poor.
I was the good person to everyone else but me,
The one yearning for love.

Once upon a December I saw myself
A bad person, I used to think.
Doing all of the things a bad person would do,
Smoking, and drinking, drifting away in despair.
Feeing guilty.
A bad person to the one that needed me the most.

Tonight I see myself,
As the sum of all I used to be.
Doing all the things I expect of me
My duty, my burden my responsibility
Feeling the fear, the guilt, the ecstasy
All in one
But also beyond, I see me
Fearless, forgiving, whole and holy.

I hope that tomorrow I'll be who I am
A human being.
A wild woman.
A free spirit.
Doing all of the things a free spirit would do.
Climbing, and howling and breathing too.
Feeling loved.
Loving.
Sharing her gift to the whole wide world.
Her husband.
Her children.
Her family.
Her self.
Her mankind.
Her planet.
Her source.

Freedom rocks

Freedom rocks, alright. 
It rocks everything. 
It rocks your boat, 
it rocks your home, 
it rocks your dreams, 
your safety it seems, 
your plans, your schemes,
It rocks your everything.

Freedom rocks, alright. 
It rocks you to sleep 
when fear grasps your weary eyelids, 
your bones, your mighty heart, 
your ankles and knees, your heels. 
Freedom from fear is the ultimate thing. 
It rocks you to your core, 
to your darkest place, 
you're no longer king
you dare not enter,
to safety you cling.

You pour yourself another glass of wine 
hoping to buy a one way ticket 
you shine, for a while.
But it goes both ways. 
Any escape ticket from fear 
goes both ways. 
Always. 

Freedom rocks, alright. 
Remember that before you claim your right to freedom. 
And it is too within your rights, it is. 
Flowing in your blood, it is. 
Encoded in your DNA, it is. 

Lost your key, have you? 
Do not worry, because freedom rocks, it does. 
It will rock your boat, your home, your mind, your dreams. 
It will haunt you, track you, lure you 
in those dark corners until 
you will be tired of running, tired of being afraid all of the time. 
And you will finally give up, you will. 
You will be free!

Mica serenada pentru Irina

Ma uimeste cum de nu stii
ca locul tau e aici
ca esti atat de frumoasa
ca lumea e mai frumoasa doar pentru ca tu existi
desi stii deja.

Ma uimeste cum de nu stii
incotro sa o iei
incotro sa pasesti
incotro sa privesti dincolo de tine
desi stii deja.

Ma uimeste cum de nu stii
sa te contii
sa iti vorbesti
sa iti asculti inima in tacere
desi stii deja.

Ma uimeste cum de nu stii
cata gratie
cata poezie
cata iubire ai incatusat in tine
desi stii deja.

Ma uimeste cum de nu stii
sa te ierti
sa te respecti
sa te iubesti asa cum esti
desi stii deja.

Ma uimesti, Irina
esti uimitoare
esti intreaga
esti perfecta asa cum esti
si tu stii deja.

Dorul meu

Mi-e dor de mama
de maicuta mea
de cum zambea ea
si alina.

Mi-e dor de casa
de casuta mea
de cum ma cuibarea
si-adapostea.

Mi-e dor de inima
de inimioara mea
de cum batea ea
si te iubea.

Mi-e dor de tine
jumatatea mea
de cum tristetea se topea
in preajma ta.

Mi-e dor de mine
de fiinta mea
pe vremea cand eram
o stea.

Tarisoara mea pe harta dorurilor

Poem despre bunatate

mi-e lesne sa fiu buna cand mi-e bine
si imi curge bunatate prin vene
si se revarsa lesne in afara mea.

dar ce ma fac cand port povara lumii
pe umerii mei?

caci doar doi umeri am
si mi-e atat de greu uneori
sa ma lepad
de povara neiertarii
a neiubirii
a negratiei
a nesimtirii
a nesigurantei
a nerusinarii
a necuvintelor
a nelegiurii
a nefericirii
a nevolniciei...

ah, uite-asa imi numaram necazurile
unul cate unul
asteptand la rand
fierband
numarand
in gand
la supermarket.

ma gandeam la sacosile verzi
cele pe care le pastrez
atent randuite
intr-un sertar
promitandu-mi, jurandu-mi
ca niciodata, niciodata
nu voi mai fi nevoita sa cumpar
o alta sacosa de plastic
vreodata.

dar iata-ma-s
la rand
numarand in gand
necazurile
si sacosile verzi uitate acasa.

iata-ma-s
nevolnica
nesimtita
neiubita
nerusinata
ingrata
si plina de ura
intrebandu-ma
oare cum sa car atata povara
de una singura.

eram gata sa cedez
caci nu, nu mai pot sa car
atata povara
de una singura
cand,
pe negandite
pe nesimtite
pe nestiute
pe nesperate
intalnesc
un act de bunatate spontana.

te ajut eu,
spune o femeie.

si, pana sa apuc sa o refuz
caci nu,
eu nu sunt o neajutorata
o neputincioasa,
se aseaza si imi oranduieste
sacosele de plastic
toate cele douasperezece
si imparte povara cu mine.
o straina

ma insoteste
ma vegheaza
imi zambeste
apoi dispare.

ce ma fac cand port povara lumii
pe umerii mei?

o impart la doi
atunci cand mi se ofera
privilegiul.

cu recunostinta, pentru Nicoleta

Intr-o doara

Incepui sa ma sfarsesc
si nu sfarsii prin a ma incepe
asa rotund, cumpanit, previzibil
ci intr-o doara
intr-o ureche
intr-un patrat
nechezai de cateva ori
apoi imi dadui duhul
de ceasul mortii
de toti peretii
de toate ferestrele
de dusumea
de tocul usii
de gaura cheii
de bine, de rau
de mine, de tine
de mine din tine
de tine din mine
de-a lungul
de-a latul
de pamant
de vazduh
de-as sfarsi o data
si n-as mai incepe
de la capat
intr-o doara.

poezia lui azi (daca stai sa te gandesti)

nimic special la azi fata de alte aziuri
un azi morocanos, inceput abrubt,
poate mult prea devreme
poate ca exact la momentul potrivit
caci ieriul ezita inca la granita dintre vise
si mi-am amintit de ieri
cum imi lepadam hainele ca sa inot contra curentului
in sus
spre ai mei ce ma asteptau

azi am calatorit in subteran
poate parea lucru putin
dar, daca stai sa te gandesti,
sa aluneci pe sine in buricul pamantului
nu-i lucru putin
metrou, ii spune dar in sine
furnicau in vintrele pamantului
altii ca mine
oameni, le spune
umani
pamanteni
adica pamantul vede prin ochii lor
in chiar labrintul sau interior
si nu e lucru putin
daca stai sa te gandesti

hai, stai
stai un pic sa te gandesti

nu? bine, hai
nu-i bai

eu azi am alergat
azi m-am strecurat prin usi gata sa se inchida
am privit in ochi oameni
umani
ochii pamantului
azi am atins oameni
umani
cu palma mea dreapta
pe umarul lor stang
si ei mi-au zambit azi

azi m-am agitat
oh, cat m-am agitat
ca o furnica in furnicar
nu m-am oprit sa ma intreb
oare de ce ma agit atat
dar m-am oprit sa respir adanc
si am respirat azi
intr-o toaleta

azi m-am infuriat
dar nu oricum
ci cu o furie oarba
fara de ochi
desi pamantul privea inca prin mine la sine
m-am infuriat si am urlat
am urlat, am detestat, am injurat
da, am injurat
dar numai dupa ce am inchis telefonul
si apoi am varsat furia
caci o alta femeie asemenea mie
a fost acolo azi sa o contina
binecuvantate fie femeile
si a lor intelepciune
si compasiune
caci ele stiu
pur si simplu stiu
sa primeasca furia
durerea
revolta
si sa  o contina
sa o transforme
iar apoi sa o inapoieze pamantului

azi am oferit trei flori
am mancat o supa cu taitei
am purtat o ie
mi-am pictat buzele cu rosu aprins
am trimis multe cuvinte
prin e-mail
posta electronica
uimitoare inventie
daca stai sa te gandesti

hai, stai
stai un pic sa te gandesti

nu? bine, hai
nu-i bai

azi am primit multe cuvinte
vorbite
scrise
tot prin posta electronica
electronica?
ce cuvant anti poetic
daca stau sa ma gandesc
si nu stiu cum sa il indulcesc
se pare ca asta e treaba IT-stilor
am aflat eu azi
ca si ei sunt poeti
si nu e uimitor
sa te gandesti cat de multe transmitem
cu doar treizeci si unul de simboluri
luate cate trezeci si unul
plus inca cinci sase semne de punctuatie?!

nu?!

azi mi-am deschis cont la o alta banca
eu si aproape toti colegii mei
si a fost o aventura sa observ
cata rezistenta la schimbare
coexista in fiecare
om
uman
in mine
azi doar am observat

azi mi-am infruntat trecutul
da, trecutul
stiu, stiu, stiu, veti spune
nu exista ieri
doar azi
doar ca azi ieri m-a privit in fata
si albise

zambet
(poetic)
((autentic))

azi mi-am imbratisat copiii
ah, fetele mele
iubitele mele
am simtit azi ca ma topesc dupa ele
pentru ca azi ele sunt in cealalta casa a lor
care nu mai este si a mea
si azi a durut
si azi imi este dor de ele

azi nu m-am dus la tango
ci am terminat de scris un raport
si poezia acestui fapt in sine
imi scapa
insa
azi mi-am imbratisat copiii
tocmai pentru ca
am intarziat cu raportul

zambet
(pur si simplu)

azi am hotarat
la un moment dat
dupa ce soarele demult apusese
sa nu mai agit
ci sa pasesc incet
incet
iiiin ceeeet
incetisor

azi am traversat parcul
in drum spre acasa
si m-am rezemat de copacul meu
'e un ghindar', ar spune Mara
si i-am simtit reazemul in spatele meu
si am stat asa, cu mainile impreunate in poala
si am plans
pur si simplu
fara de poveste
fara de drama
si apoi am simtit
lacrima copacului in mainile mele
intreg pamantul plansese cu mine
da, plouase
dar, de fapt, plansese
simtise alaturi de mine
si de tine,
daca stai sa te gandesti

hai, stai
stai un pic sa te gandesti

nu? bine, hai
nu-i bai

azi m-am gandit la sora mea
o iubesc pe sora mea
si ea ma iubeste
si e minunata sora mea
si e minunat ca exista
acolo in lumea ei
chiar daca nu am vorbit azi
prea mult

o cheama Simina
ce nume frumos...
nu mai cunosc pe nimeni, dar pe nimeni
cu numele asta
decat pe sora cea mica
din nuvela lui Eliade
Domnisoara Cristina
ea m-a invatat sa il iubesc pe Nichita
si cu Nichita m-am trezit
azi
in dragoste

azi m-am gandit la multe dintre surorile mele
la Andhra, la Ioana, la Danuta
la Anda, la Manuela, la Oana
la Emilia, la Alexa, la Roxana
la Teodora, la Lia, la Ralu, la Kiran
la Sarani
ah, cat le iubesc
pe toate surorile mele
azi

azi am facut un dus cu apa fierbinte
si nu e lucru putin
daca stai sa te gandesti

hai, stai
stai un pic sa te gandesti

nu? bine, hai
nu-i bai

azi mi-am pregatit
o mamaliga
da, o mamaliga
ce cuvant... ciudat
daca stai sa te gandesti
nu am mancat-o
caci m-am apucat sa scriu poezia lui azi
si s-a intarit
mamamliga
ma ma li ga
mea

azi am fumat mult
mult
azi am ascultat multa muzica
multa
muzica
nici nu mai stiu
decat ca am inceput cu nichita
si apoi mozart
ah, mozart
nu am cuvinte poetice pentru mozart
oare are cineva?
din doar trei zeci si una de litere?!

as putea continua
dar ma opresc aici
cu pisica toracandu-mi i brate
Gellu
Motanelu
pentru ultima seara
azi
caci, da, azi am gasit
un nou camin pentru Gellu
Naum Motanelu
slava cerului
caci Gellu se pisa pe canapea
acum pot sa zic, caci am gasit
un nou camin pentru Gellu
si uite cum poezia lui azi nu se termina
de fapt
niciodata

caci azi e mereu
daca stai sa te gandesti

hai, stai
stai un pic sa te gandesti

nu? bine, hai
nu-i bai.

si pentru ca azi nu se termina
pana nu se inchide computerul
sau telefonul
sau inima
ei bine,
azi mi-a fost zdrobita inima
inca o data
dar nu-i nimic
este 00.07
deci, de fapt, este maine
oare maine, exista,
daca stai sa te gandesti?
poate doar la granita dintre ceasuri
la granita dintre universuri

si daca doresti,
poti opri tot ceea ce pui acolo
in lume
si azi,
lumea se va opri pentru tine,
iubita mea.
'regina mea de negru si de sare'
zise tot el, Nichita,
ca sa inchei ziua in cerc
imprumutand, ca o idioata
cuvintele altcuiva
furand universul altcuiva
altcineva
separat de mine.

lacrima.

Lectia de dans

nu despre cum sa dansez ma invata dansul
ci despre cum sa traiesc lasnadu-ma in voia vietii
ci despre cum sa primesc si transform un impuls
ci despre cum sa imi simt corpul si sa il urmez
ci despre cum sa imi gasesc centrul
ci despre cum sa simt muzica
ci despre cum sa ma las continuta
ci despre cum sa ma las condusa
ci despre cum sa ma las
ci despre cum sa nu fortez
ci despre cum sa urmez
ci despre cum sa nu uit sa respir adanc
ci despre cum sa disociez
ci despre cum sa primesc o imbratisare
ci despre cum sa imi gasesc echilibrul
ci despre cum sa imi pastrez echilibrul
ci despre cum sa ma aliez cu solul
ci despre cum sa prind radacini
ci despre cum sa creez spatiu
ci despre cum sa umplu spatiul
ci despre cum curge energia
ci despre cum se transfera energia
ci despre cum sa ies din ratiune si sa intru in simtire.

nu despre dans ma invata dansul
ci despre naturalete.

Deschide-ti inima

Iar daca astazi vei face doar un singur lucru
Doar unul
Fie ca acesta sa fie
O zdruncinatura
O zguduitura
O zgaiba
O ce-o fi sa fie care sa-ti deschida inima
Sa o zguduie
Sa o zgandare
Sa o zdruncine.

si te va durea, iti promit
Te va durea
din miez
din radacini
din toate incheieturile si articulatiile
Te va durea,
iti promit.

si te vei impotrivi, iti garantez
Te vei impotrivi
cu toata vointa
cu toata forta
cu toata furia
cu toata revolta
Te vei impotrivi,
iti garantez.

si te vei intreba, te provoc
Te vei intreba
oare merita
oare are vreun rost
oare ma ridica sau ma doboara
oare e bun sau rau
Te vei intreba,
te provoc.

si te vei zvarcoli, te inteleg
Te vei zvarcoli
de durere
de indoieli
de neputinta
de ura si neiertare
Te vei zvarcoli,
te sustin.

Dar daca vei face azi un singur lucru,
Doar unul,
Fie ca acesta sa fie
un gest
un pas
un cuvant
un sarut
o lacrima
o jale
o imbratisare
o privire
mai aproape
de o inima deschisa.

Asa sa fie.
Asa este.

Polar dream of the Blue Phoenix

when he puts you down, down, down
upon your knees you offer him your crown
surrender all, as yet it seems
there is a light in your bones, a song in your moans
a fire in your knees, a war in your dreams

floating feet on dancing waters sing

as fire wings on heavy backbones
bring polar dreams to sleepy knees
polar dreams to sleepy knees

when you feel the urge to give in to sin

sit still, don’t spill, don’t take that pill
surrender all, as yet it seems
there is a light in your bones, a song in your moans
a fire in your knees, a war in your dreams

floating feet on dancing waters sing

as fire wings on heavy backbones
bring polar dreams to sleepy knees
polar dreams to sleepy knees

https://soundcloud.com/irina-latis/polar-dream-of-the-blue

Let go, Blue Phoenix

The one of many faces

The one of careless words

The one of mad embraces

Has burned the phoenix birds,

Has burned the phoenix birds.

Let go, let burn, let cry, let fly

My phoenix bird, let die

Let live, let earth, let sky

Let love, my bird, go bye

Good bye.

The one of endless stories

The one of brand new starts

The one of midnight follies

Has broken phoenix hearts,

Has broken phoenix hearts.

Though maybe it seemed

like he was the one

The one meant to make you

come undone,

Remember, my bird

That you are the one

The one meant to mend

your broken desire

Your smile, your bones,

your broken fire.

So, let go, let burn, let cry, let fly

My phoenix bird, let die

Let live, let earth, let sky

Let love, my bird, go by.

Go by.

Go by.

Let die.

Land of the Blue Phoenix

There is a land, a land of blue

Sometimes it’s calling, it’s calling for you

Come in little blue bird, I like your song

Your shiny feathers, just come along.

Here you can rule, you’ll be the queen

The queen of sorrow, well, come on in,

The queen of heartbreak, the queen of wrong

Come in little blue bird, just come along.

Every once in a while it hurts so bad

It hurts, little blue bird, it drives you mad

It hurts when you fly, and it hurts when you stand

So maybe you’ll enter the wicked land

The land of sorrow, the land of blue

Is only waiting, waiting for you.

Come in little blue bird, I like your song

Your shiny feathers, just come along.

As soon as you step in the land of blue

The borders are closing, are closing on you

Stay here little blue bird, forget your song

Your shiny feathers and you’ll belong.

Forget about flying, forget who you are

Forget all your dreams, they’re all so far.

The queen of heartbreak, the queen of wrong

Stay here little blue bird where you belong.

Every once in a while you’ll hear a voice

Hold on little blue bird, you have a choice.

Break free little blue bird, remember your song

Your shiny feathers, just fly along.

Break free, little blue bird, break free

Break free, little blue bird, come back to me

Break free, little blue bird

Break free.




https://soundcloud.com/irina-latis/land-of-the-blue-phoenix

Love song for the Blue Phoenix

There once was a song waiting to be sung

Waiting to be sung one morning

There once was girl waiting to be kissed

Ready to be kissed to life.

Oh sing my blue bird, just sing to me

Remind me of who I am

Oh sing me your sorrow and sing me your pain

And I'll learn to love again.

There once was a fire waiting to be lit

Waiting to be lit one midnight

There once was a girl waiting to be held

Ready to be held so close.

Oh sing my blue bird, just sing to me

Remind me of who I am

Oh sing me your sorrow and sing me your pain

And I'll learn to love again.

There once was a child waiting to be born

Waiting to be born one winter

There once was a girl waiting to become

A woman wild and free.

I hear your your song my bird

As I watch your burn, I hear it under my skin

And I burn, burn, burn, as I watch you rise

I'm rising in love, it' a new sunrise.

There once was a song waiting to be sung

Waiting to be sung one morning

There once was my heart waiting to be healed

Yearning to be filled with love.

https://soundcloud.com/irina-latis/love-song-for-the-blue  

Prayer of the Blue Phoenix

Unleash thy army of flying horses,
Unbanish thy smile of rain,
Unbound thy legion of unearthly forces,
Uncast thy spell of pain.


Unfold thy seeds of hope and laughter,
Unsing thy mercy choir,
Undream thy babel of forever after,
Unchain thy wings of fire.


Untrace thy trail of tears and sorrow,
Unspill thy blood of hurt,
Undie thy grace of dove and sparrow,
Unbirth thy core of dirt.


Oh, rise, my Phoenix, come undone...


http://soundcloud.com/irina-latis/prayer-of-the-blue-phoenix/s-Q2Jmr

Sarut intre paranteze

[Si gurile noastre rasuflara usurate

(De greutatea fuiorului ce se destrama).

Fura cusute laolalta

(Intr-o inghesuiala de vorbe nerostite).

Acum se revarsa pe la colturi

(Spre muchii de barbii prapastioase).

Limbile din orologiile incremenite

(Nu mai arata demult spre cerul gurii).

Hiberneaza cu papilele in suspensie

(Intre doua acolade zgribulite).

…inchid paranteza].

8. Ingaduinta

Ingadui clipei sa clipeasca

Si sa treaca

Precum cardul de ciori

La ora opt

In dreptul lojei mele catre cer.

Ingadui mintii mele sa framante

In vrie

Si sa teasa orisice spuzeli i se nazare

Dumneai, la ora opt

Fara sa-i dau prea mare socoteala.

Ingadui durerii mele sa curga prin mine

In lacrimi

Si sa invadeze toti porii deschisi de jale

La ora opt

Cand pleoapele se inchid sa primeasca sarutul.

Ingadui corpului meu sa danseze

In voie

Si sa adaposteasca tot acest suflet

Revarsat la ora opt

Dincolo de coaja, dincolo de cuvinte, dincolo de ingaduinta.

Inventar

Am o loja catre cer

Unde-mi canta stele,

Am un beci intr-un ungher

Unde-mi joaca iele.

Intre ele-i un culoar

Unde-mi tin bagajul

Iar la mjloc un sertar

Unde-mi tin curajul.

Imi despic cosita-n trei

Si o las sa-mi poarte

Apa vie de la zei

La talpile moarte.

Despre rabdare

Ma prefacui in scrum

Ca sa ma imprastii

Unde lacustele deghizate in greieri

Se pironesc precum sopranele mute

Nu mute de uimire,

Ci mute de necredinta, de nedans, de nesalt,

Mute de nerabdare.

Ma prefacui in foc

Ca sa ma ard

Unde ratele deghizate in lebede

Se prajesc precum ochiurile oarbe

Nu oarbe de lumina,

Ci oarbe de nepace, de necaz, de nesat,

Oarbe de nerabdare.

Ma prefacui in rau

Ca sa ma curg

Unde pestoaicele deghizate in sirene

Se tanguiesc precum bocitoarele surde

Nu surde de surdina,

Ci surde de neliniste, de nepasare, de neascultare,

Surde de nerabdare.

Ma desfacui in nimic

Ca sa ma mor

Unde stelele deghizate in sori

Se pravalesc precum femeile schelet

Nu moarte de transformare,

Ci moarte de nesimtire, de nesiguranta, de neputere,

Moarte de nerabdare.

Ma refacui din nimic

Ca sa ma nasc

Unde lacustele ca lacustele

Ratele ca ratele

Pestoaicele ca pestoiacele

Si stelele ca stelele

Fiinteaza rabdatoare.

de ma iscodesti

De ma iscodesti

De muma, de casa

De taica, ma lasa

Nu mi-s mai aproape

De viata, de moarte

De astrii ceresti,

De ma iscodesti

De ma iscodesti

De slove, de ganduri

De miez si de samburi

De coji si de straturi

Nu mi te mai saturi

De-atatea povesti

De ma iscodesti

De ma iscodesti

De bune, de rele

De toat-ale mele

De har si de vise

De cele nescrise

Nu mi te mira

De m-oi revarsa

In iscoada mea

iti raspund, iaca

port in mine trei odai

ca orisice muiere purtatoare de odai

nici mai presus, nici mai prejos

in prima odaie e zapuseala

pfiu, drace, e al naibii de zapuseala

ticsit de cotloane si paienjenisuri

dichisit cu giuvaeruri si matasuri pretioase

imbacsit de praf si mazga

e al naibii de inghesuiala

in aceasta odaie

nu e loc pentru tine aici, barbate,

fugi pana nu te starpesc

din odaia gandurilor mele

in a doua odaie nu exista acoperis

de fapt, aceasta odaie nu are nici macar pereti

doar cer cat vezi cu ochii

si toti sorii cu toate planetele lor

orbiteaza in aceasta odaie

intr-o revarsare continua

e o chestiune de mecanica

mecanica sentimentelor

sopteste o voce din odaia de alaturi

ce bine iti sade aici

orbitand

in odaia inimii mele

in a treia odaie se afla doar o soba

o soba-vulcan

o soba-pheonix

o soba-ghetar

o soba-dor

o soba-pamant

o soba-suflet

o soba-soba

stii tu, din acelea de teracota

in care vine sobarul si aprinde focul

din truda taietorului de lemne

si iaca, de tot ma intrebai,

s-au perindat prin aceasta odaie

tot soiul de sobari si taietori de lemne

hamesiti

degerati

indesandu-si lemnele

infigandu-si topoarele

bajbaind

adulmecand

frecand

orbecaind

deznadajduiti

oh, de-ar sti ei

sarmanii sobari si taietori de lemne

ca taman in odaia de alaturi

salasluieste cheia

odaii pantecului meu…

ce sa fac si eu

Greieresc greierii, ce sa faca si ei

Precum copacesc copacii

Si pasaresc pasarile

Precum impietresc pietrele

Si vanteste vantul

Asa fiintez eu, ce sa fac si eu.

Dar cand vantesc greierii

Precum pasaresc copacii

Si copacesc pasarile

Precum greieresc pietrele

Cand impietresc pasarile

Asa ma mor si eu, iubindu-te.

Ce sa fac si eu...

ma fac, ma desfac

Ma compun in simfonii celulare,

Ma revars in timpanele tale

Dansand, dansand.

Auzi-ma, auzi-ma,

Vede-ma, vede-ma,

Canta-ma, canta-ma,

Atinge-ma, atinge-ma,

Cauta-ma, cauta-ma,

Doreste-ma, doreste-ma,

Iubeste-ma, iubeste-ma.

Ma descompun in cortegii funerare,

Ma mor in bratele tale

Plangand, plangand.

Alina-ma, alina-ma,

Condu-ma, condu-ma,

Viseaza-ma, viseaza-ma,

Recompune-ma, recompune-ma,

Repara-ma, repara-ma,

Aprinde-ma, aprinde-ma,

Elibereaza-ma, e…

Esti libera.

la poalele umbrelor mele

La poalele umbrelor mele

Tivite cu praf de stele,

Cusute cu fir de luna,

Farame de inimi se-aduna.

Pasesc sfios printre cele

Lipite de poalele mele

Cu talpile in huma,

Starnesc furtuna.

Imi intra pe sub piele

Cioburi de inimi rele,

Imi canta doru-n struna

Si fulgera,  si tuna.

La poalele umbrelor mele.

Goala goluta, ma intreb...

When have I given up being naked?

Was it when they told me it’s not proper?

Was it when they forced me to take off my clothes

Even if I did not want to?

Or was it when I first noticed that my body

Simply did not fit the geometry of beauty?

Maybe it was when I felt a repelling gaze

Undressing me against my will.

Or maybe it was when I felt so exposed

So vulnerable, that I needed protection.

When have I given up being barefoot?

Was it when they told me terrible things

Happen to barefoot women?

That they get so very sick that

They will never ever recover.

Ever.

Maybe it was when I fell in love with shoes

For they way they complimented my clothes

And together they made little outfits.

Or maybe it was the moment I felt the calling

Of wild grass so deep in my womb

That I became  too scared

To remember who I am.

When have I given up ecstasy?

Was it when they told me it was a sin

That it was wrong and shameful?

Shame on you, they said, when they walked in on me

Giving myself innocent pleasure.

Maybe it was when they taught me

How to masturbate, but they failed

To show me how to make love to myself.

Or maybe it was that moment of deceit

When I heard that harsh voice inside my head

Saying: “You are not worthy.”

Oh, shut up, you liar,

I don’t believe you anymore!

When I give in to you,

I give up who I am.

Here I am, with my bare feet

Defying all laws of common sense,

With my body wearing nothing but

It’s stories of love and pain

Of joy and dancing

Of life and death,

Reclaiming it’s right to honored

And celebrated

Just as it is. 

In honor of my body, with my deepest love, respect and gratitude

oare ce pret plateste o femeie

Oare ce pret plateste o femeie

pentru a fi

pur si simplu pura si simpla?

Oare ce pret plateste o femeie

Pentru a fi

Asemeni tatalui ei, asemeni

tuturor fiilor cerului

Pentru a vana alaturi de ei

Acelasi himere?

Oare ce pret plateste o femeie

pentru a fi

demna de iubire, demna

de atentie

de apreciere

de acceptare?

Oare ce pret plateste o femeie

pentru a fi

asemeni curtezanelor pline de gratie

asemeni muzelor

ce ademenesc

de pe coperti lucioase?

Oare ce pret plateste o femeie

pentru a fi

asemeni mamei sale, asemeni

mamei perfecte

ce se sacrifica

pentru linistea ce umple

odaia de alaturi?

Oare ce pret plateste o femeie

pentru a fi

asemeni siesi, asemeni

marii si vantului

ploii si pamantului

cerului si pescarusilor?

Oare ce pret plateste o femeie

pentru a fi

femeie?

pentru un necugetat

sunt precum povestea ce se scrie invers

ma involburez dinspre mare inspre izvor

tanjind dupa miezul muntilor

sunt precum cerul de sub talpile mele

ma infior dinspre final inspre inceput

plouand ningand fulgerand innoptand

sunt precum visul calatorului in timp

ma destram dinspre zero inspre infinit

cugetand la omul necugetat

popas

sunt pe drumul meu catre desarvarsire

ma mai opresc din cand in cand
sa imi (ex)trag sufletul

dar sunt pe drumul meu

la granita

am sa mai zabovesc o clipa la granita
isi spuse pasarea cu o singura aripa
cu aripa falfaind pe muchie

am sa mai zabovesc o clipa la granita
isi spuse calaul cu o singura mana
cu mana tremurand pe satar

am sa mai zabovesc o clipa la granita
isi spuse femeia cu un singur san
cu sanul secat de vise

am sa mai zabovesc o clipa la granita
isi spuse si vamesul cu o singura inima
cu inima plina de pasari

Femeie

Catre voi toti, fii ai cerului,

barbati din lume,

barbati din viata mea,

Catre voi cei care ati umilit si ati abandonat

O femeie.

Catre voi cei care ati asmutit fiara din ea,

Cea avida dupa senzualitate,

Avida dupa extraordinar,

Avida dupa caderi si ridicari,

Avida dupa slabiciune,

Avida dupa atentia stoarsa de la ceilalti.

Si apoi ati inlantuit-o

Povara,

Nesimtito,

Ofticoaso,

Tradatoareo,

Rusine tie,

Nerusinato,

Trezeste-te la realitate,

Netrebnico!

Si vinde-ti visele,

Caci mi-e teama de ele.

Caci ce insemana o lume

Condusa de instinct,

De intangibil,

De tigroaice,

Si leoaice

Si ursoaice

Si pelicani?

Cum oare arata o lume

In care visele conduc,

In care inima e libera

Sa-si urmeze calea

in care nu exista

plantatii

si nici patroni

si nici boieri

carora li se cuvin

legal

dividende

drepturi;

in care avutia

nu se masoara

in

nimic

tangibil?

Cum oare arata o lume in care

Femeile iarta?

Cum oare arata o lume

In care femeile isi iarta tatal,

Primul barbat din viata lor

Care nu a stiut sa faca altfel

Decat a facut?

Ca a fost alcoolic

coleric,

violator incestuos,

violent,

agresiv,

ucis,

ucigas,

abuziv,

distant,

nemultumit,

neprezent,

dezinteresat,

prea interesat.

Nimic nu va sterge durerea,

Nicio durere.

Si toti fii cerului,

Toti barbatii

vor continua sa se sperie

de Ea si sa fuga.

Tu insati te sperii de tine

Si ai vrea sa fugi.

Si o faci.

Suficient de des incat

sa iti pierzi luciditatea

si stapanirea

si astfel te ranesti iar

Ca sa mai ai o dovada ca

Nu ai dreptul la pace

Si la dragoste.

Asaza-te la masa cu alesul tau,

Asaza-te la masa cu tatal tau

Si vei stii

Ca trecutul nu poate fi ameliorat.

Nu va veni ziua in care ceva sa se intample

astfel incat

trecutul sa iti para edulcorat,

elucidat

si vindecat,

pentru ca el nu mai exista.

Accepta asadar ca asa a fost.

Si vezi ce poti face sa iti recuperezi

Puterea,

Suflul,

Inima.

Simte-ti durerea la maxim

Fara sa o savurezi.

Magnetul voluptatii e unul puternic,

dar nu mai puternic decat tine.

Iarta-i pe toti.

Iarta-te.

Si vei fi din nou,

Femeie.

prin Andhra pentru toate femeile ce au ochi sa vada, urechi sa auda si inimi sa simta

Song from the 12th floor

Hey, little girl, I know it's rough
I see your tears, you're not so tough
But hey, sweet girl, I hear your pain
It's all ok, you're not to blame.

I'm here for you, it's safe to cry
Let all the tears inside you dry
But I won't pity you this time
So let your wickedness go by.

Hey, little girl, it's time to stand
and claim the power of your land
It's time to stop your sacrifice
To mend your heart, to melt the ice.

It's time to claim your destiny
To choose for you and to break free
It's time to set your boundaries
Time to forgive atrocity.

Forgive the murdered absentee
Forgive the devil's devotee
Forgive the prosecutor's plea
Forgive yourself, the detainee.

Oh, little girl, when all's forgiven
When we allow for what we're given
We'll ride the devil's path to heaven
Beneath our feet, from floor eleven.

Cantec pentru Teodora

Cubicle

Viata intr-un cub de sticla

E mata,

Se masoara in minute vatuite,

Si nu se unduieste dupa rafalele de vant

Ce se sparg intr-insa.

Viata intr-un cub de sticla

E colturoasa,

Se umple cu oameni-elefant

Si nu se sfieste sa isi arate coltii de fildes

Ce se sparg intr-insa.

Viata intr-un cub de sticla

E condensata,

Se auto determina in cifre belicoase

Si nu se indupleca la cantecul inimilor gaurite

Ce se sparg intr-insa.

Viata intr-un cub de sticla

E necrutatoare,

Se cerne in minute albe si minute negre

Si nu se topeste o data cu orele inghetate

Ce se sparg intr-insa.

Am fost o data ca niciodata

Am fost o fata care-si traia viata cu susul in jos. Unde imi statusera picioarele, acum imi statea capul. Toate darurile din inima mea se risipeau in cele patru vanturi. Iar eu sufeream. Imi pierdeam ideile si nu mai vedeam lumina soarelui.

Intr-o zi, un pitic faur al pamantului veni la mine si aprinse un felinar. Atunci mi-am amintit de lumina soarelui. Deasupra picioarelor mele isi facuse cuib o pasare. Dar eu nu auzeam ciripitul sau in timp ce pasarea isi clocea ouale. Un ou a cazut din cuib si, la lumina felinarului, am zarit un pui de pasare. Era mic  si nu avea pene. Nu apucase sa cloceasca. Am luat puiul frant in maini si am suflat. Pasarea a murit in mainile mele iar eu am fost eliberata.

Am inceput sa colind lumea intr-un car. Pe masura ce colindam, adunam stele. Ajunsesem sa car atatea stele ca nu mai puteam impinge carul. Si am uitat de unde am plecat. Mi-am subjugat natura salbatica, am inrobit barbatul divin si femeia divina dinauntrul meu. Acestia im apareau insa noapte ain vise, iubindu-se pe malul marii. Femeia Schelet ii pandea, ii pandea mereu de pe fundul marii. Iar eu ma trezeam in sudoare, urland de frica.

Pana intr-o zi cand mi-am adunat curajul si mi-am infruntat teama. Am plecat pe mare si am primit-o pe Femeia Schelet pe barca mea. I-am cantat si  i-am cantat pana cand ea s-a intrupat si a pasit spre mine. M-am inchinat in fata ei, am lasat-o sa ma ia in brate si mi-am deschis inima.

Atunci mi-am amintit cine sunt.

A house is not a home

I wasn’t born here, not really,

But I was reborn here time and time again.

There was this one morning, the first morning,

When I woke up and gave birth to my first child

And a mother was also born

Into this house.

There was another morning, a cold morning

When I woke up and  felt this yearning

To paint

And an artist was born

Into this house.

One night, a clear night on a full moon,

I opened the window and howled at the moon

And a wild woman was born

Into this house.

One other night, I woke up from this amazing dream

That urged me to listen to my soul

And a dreamer was born

Into this house.

On day I heard a song and it moved me

It moved me so deep that I started to dance

And a dancer was born

Into this house.

This was my home.

I won’t die here, not really,

But surely I died here, more than once.

There was this one morning

When I woke up paralyzed,

Drenched in sorrow, stuck, empty

I laid down on the bathroom floor

And a victim died.

Into this house.

On another morning I woke up alone

I felt discouraged, abandoned, and deeply hurt

A lonely wife surrendered her love

Into this house.

One night I got so frightened

That I regressed to my mother’s womb

Dark and moist, numb and helpless

And a child passed away

Into this house.

With it’s river of births and deaths

Carved into it’s walls and floors,

Into it’s corners and doors,

This house has lived inside of me

As much as I have lived inside of it.

It has given me shelter, love and inspiration

Rocked me to sleep,

Whispered lullabies to my weary children

Poured it’s song of stone and wood into my heart

Incubated my dreams and hatched my wounds.

This house taught me to belong.

To belong to my home, to my family,

To belong to my dreams, to my ideals,

To belong to my land, to this earth,

But, above of all, to belong to myself.

Yet this house does not belong to me

Nor does this land, this earth, these people.

I weep as I receive my final lesson,

The one of letting go.

For it is now the time to let it go

To retrieve the pieces of soul

Hidden in it’s every corner

It is time to build another home,

This time a home inside of me,

A home that I will carry with me

Wherever I go.

I am so grateful.