Pages

Monday, March 31, 2014

Fiecare cu ale sale


Nu judecata ta ma doare
Nu fuga, nu dispretul, nu minciuna
Doar el, cuvantul, e al tau
Al meu e soarele, a mea e luna

Nu detasarea ta ma doare,
Nu pumnul, nu somnul, nu raceala
Doar el, orgoliul, e al tau
Al meu e vantul, a mea este tarana

Nu nebunia ta ma doare,
Nu frica, nu psihoza, nu mania,
Doar el, trecutul, e al tau
Al meu e focul, a mea este lumina.

Nu bucuria ta ma doare,
Nu dansul, nu zambetul, nu pacea
Doar el, avantul, e al tau
Al meu e cantecul, a mea e marea.

Nu despartirea ta ma doare,
Nu abandonul, nu razboiul,
Doar el, doar numele-i al tau
Durerea este a mea, al meu puroiul.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

The untitled one


I saw myself in you. I saw you too. No need to speak, really.
I gazed and I gazed till there was nothing left but love.
I called back my army of un-forgiveness.
Retreat.
Regroup.
Rewind.
Be careful where you step, though. You are walking on broken heart.
Removing the last piece from your heel, you smiled and said:
Goodbye.

March 15, 2014

Friday, March 28, 2014

The apartment


I visited the apartment today
To see just how my dreams would fit
Measuring the walls to weigh
O home without you in it.

I pictured it, the life to come
A lazy Sunday night
The girls are dancing, having fun
As I switch off the light.

I pictured dinner on the plates
And pictures on the walls
Their little toys, their bikes and skates
My books, my clothes and shawls.

I got so sad on my way back
From Liberation Street
Thinking about those things I’ll lack
The garden, tub and window seat.

It wasn’t any of those things
That made me crawl inside
As you prepared to spread your wings
Misguided by your pride.

It was the dream I left behind
The dream of you and I,
It was that gravestone in my mind
The one that read ‘goodbye’.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Remember to forget (each and every time but this time)



Each and every time you’ve laid down your weapons,
I stood by your sword and I waited,
I swore by my word
To open up this heart to you.

Each time you rose from your ashes
And reclaimed your sword,
I begged and I cried, please help me my Lord
To close down this heart from you.

Each time your blade of truth
Struck deep in the core of all my lies
I swore, never again
To open this heart to any man.

‘Never mind the story, remember to forget’, you said,
Standing in the doorway of my soul,
Reaching out your hand,
Breaking me open in your embrace.

This time, the choice was clear
There was nothing left to do but surrender
To the alchemy of our tears
And let everything be transformed.

Anger into peace
Resentment into gratitude
Pride into compassion
Grief into joy.

Weakness into power
Recklessness into wisdom
Fear into trust
Shame into ecstasy.

Un-forgiveness into love
Prison into freedom
Words into silence
My curse into my blessing.

And so, I honor the blessed moment I met you,
This time, as for the first time,
I see you, I receive you, I thank you, I love you, I set you free,
My love.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Have I ever?


Have I ever allowed myself to surrender
To feel pleasure and bliss within every cell of my body?
Have I ever opened my heart so wide
To melt away all of my fears and bitterness carefully stored and restored?

Have I ever told myself the truth
About my weakness, my boundaries, my anger?
Have I ever really seen myself
Beyond the reflection of what you see in me?

Have I ever held you so close to me
That you could see inside of me and inhabit my core?
Have I ever shown you my essence
To pour in your heart my sweet nectar of love for no stake at all?

Have I ever faced the darkest part of me,
The assailer in my psyche, the stalker of beauty and light?
Have I ever dared to stick a knife in his chest
To watch him bleed out his poison and burry him back to the ground?

Have I ever sang my song out loud,
Write it, paint it, dance it, drum it, dream it out into reality?
Have I ever told my bigger and braver story,
The one about the strong and beautiful woman who rose from her own ashes?

I may have, on some occasions, stumbled upon myself
Tripped into knowingness, bled my heart wide open.
I may have fallen down in despair at times
Only to find a glimpse of truth on the bottom of the pit.

But I have always, always requested of you to reflect my beauty
The same one I could never see on purpose.
I have asked of you to love me unconditionally
To never leave, to offer pleasure, to embrace my dark, to see my light.

How have I ever been so blinded by my own hypocrisy,
To ask of you that which I could not offer in return?
There is peace in knowing that it is not who I am, but the woman I used to be
She did the best she could and she deserves my love and gratitude.

And so do you.
Thank you.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Reverie


This tree is not my tree
We passed some time together
In the garden
Had some tea
We shared silence
Reverie
He does not belong to me.

I had all my guests to see
He had his
A crow, a bee
I beard my burdens
With a sigh
And he beard his
So gracefully.

I laid down rocks
From by the sea
I sang my story
Feeling free
I rocked my babies
In his swing
Indulged his perfect offering.

I chained my heart, buried the key
Out in the garden
By a tree
I tried so hard
To plant my roots
To build my fences
On my knee.

I soon forgot
How to be me
And blamed my man
My kids
My tree
I blamed my god
And I blamed me.

This house is not my house
I see
This land does not belong to me
This man is not my man
He’s free
Neither our children
Only me.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Wave rider


Wave rider, they call me,
Little do they know
It is not my whisper,
Not my wind to blow

Nor my thought that moves it,
I can’t even swim
I’m just slowly drowning
No one hears my scream.

I can see the lighthouse
And the house of love
I can hear you knocking
At the kitchen door.

But the house is empty
All the lights are out
There is only darkness
Deep inside my heart.

So I light a fire
For the one who knows
She is my companion
While I decompose.

She spits into my fire
She rips off my clothes
Splits my chest wide open
In my heart she blows.

‘Wave rider’, she’s singing
As I loose my breath
‘Rise in love, my darling
There is life in death’.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Good night, my love


Nothingness crawling under my skin
I don’t know how to let myself be seen
Oh, come back, come back, it’s getting darker in.

Breath in, choke not in the feathers of your wings
Some butter toast and ordinary things
Breathe out again, the long night of the soul begins.

Good night, my love! 

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Regina de pica


Strang randurile in jurul meu, unul cate unul,
zidurile de aparare ale cetatii mele.
regina regatului meu.
sapand transee in jurul tristetii,
umplandu-le cu suc propriu.
lacrimi. transpiratie. saliva. sange din suflet.
ma sui in cel mai inalt turn
privind totul de la distanta.
flancul stang cutreierat de stafii.
flancul drept gata de atac.

Ce apar la urma urmei?
impotriva cui toate aceste ziduri?
cu cine ma lupt?
de cine ma ascund?
pe cine am inchis in turn?

Imi apar teritoriul.
imi recunosc granitele.
fug de umbra mea.
o incui in turn impreuna cu puterea mea.
imi inchid inima.
imi cultiv frica.
imi infig ghearele adanc in celalat si il numesc 'al meu'.

Din cand in cand slabesc stransoarea,
umbra se elibereaza.
stafiile pandesc.
celalalt simte.
incepe sa ma vada asa cum sunt.
regina de pica.
si incepe sa se departeze.
nu, nu ma poate iubi asa acum sunt.
cum ar putea?
sunt respingatoare, nevrednica. nedemna.
eu, cea din randurile de jos.

Poate si celalalt, privind din turnul sau,
inconjurat de propriile stafii, se teme si el.  
atat de tare, ca intr-o buna zi capituleaza.
si zidurile se darama.
randurile se rup.
turnul cade.
santurile sunt drenate.
pamantul se clatina.
trupele se retrag.
stafiile se imprastie.
inimile se frang.
regatul se destrama.
regina abdica.

Totul se petrece lent in fata ochilor uimiti,
prea buimaci sa inteleaga inca ceea e vad.
scuturile se coboara unul cate unul
pana nu mai ramane nimic de aparat.
ranile supureaza una cate cate una
pana ce ultima picatura de otrava s-a evaporat.

Atunci, abia atunci pot vedea nimicul din mine,
cel din care am fost plamadita.
cel peste care mi-am construit imperiul.
ma predau nimicului.
si disperarea dispare.
iar ce ramane, ma lasa muta.
doar iubire.
pura si simpla.
fara de gheare. fara de asteptari. fara de temeri. fara de obiect.

Imi dau seama atunci ca asta e ceea ce sunt.
tot ceea ce am negat.
celalat nu a fost decat o oglinda. 
ma odihnesc pentru o vreme. in tacere. 
din cand apare intrebarea.
care a fost rostul?

‘whatever the question, the answer is always love.’

Friday, March 21, 2014

Teachings of an apricot tree

I opened my eyes to the splendor of the apricot tree
He had blossomed that night, in secret, for me
And offered his gift with an open heart
With no fear that I will only tear it apart.

So I looked out the window and wished I could smile
But all I could hear was your voice for a while
Talking and scheming, making plans in the garden
Things to do when I'm gone and I won't be a burden.

I wished I could be your apricot tree
To blossom my love for you to see
And offer my gift with an open heart
With no fear that you'll eventually tear it apart.