Who am I

I am the wind
that dances you
when you surrender
what you knew
the air you breathe
the touch you feel
the tears you taste
the skin you peel
the lies you swallow
when you fake
the smile you wear
after you break.

I am the fire
that ignites
the spark of madness in your eyes
when you speak up
for what you claim
when you stand naked in the rain
and pour your self
with no refrain
through every crack
of human pain.

I am the earth
that roots your feet
the moist embrace of dark and deep
where you sink in
the weight of sin
where you dig up
the pearl within
and you come clean
just as you are
my child, my seed
my shining star.

I am the sea
that drowns your fears
the gentle waves
that shore your tears
and hold your space
and count your years
as you dive in
to bless your heart
to fall apart
before you start
to swim.

I am the love
that softens you
when all is lost
and all is new
when you ache and burn
and twist and turn
for all that was
and is no more
for what should be
not as before
I am the love
within your core.

Ashes to beauty

In this house there is a mountain
piles and piles of laundry and dishes
rising with each sun that sets
thick forests where things get lost
never to be found again
and tiny sharp wild creatures
eager to sting and snare at every step.

I follow the trail of bread crumbs
under couches and chairs
down on all fours
like a battle horse
saddled by its own weight.

I sweep the floor
with my own tears
I dust the shelves
of my own ashes
as I promise myself
that someday I will climb this mountain
and sit on it's highest peak
clothed in but a song
to bless this house of mine.

Today this is a house of prayer
and this weight, the saddle of god.

The song of the lonely dreamer

Come, shatter me open
strip me bare
layer by layer
of armour and fear
desire and doubt.

Creep under my pillow
as I lay my head down
and infuse my sleep
with long forgotten worlds
where I can time travel
and fly and slay dragons
with the power of innocence.

Come and, as I wake
I promise to remember you
and birth you into this realm

I will drum you on my magic drum
to open the gate to clear skies
and underworlds alike,
for the wingless dreamers
who long to fly.

I will paint you with my bare hands
upon scary white canvases
and grey city walls alike,
for the colorblind dreamers
who long to see.

I will dance you with my naked body
on sacred dance floors
and living room floors alike,
for the crippled dreamers
who long to move.

I will sing you with my weary voice
as it falls on many deaf years
to reach but one open heart
of a lonely dreamer
who longs to hear.

I will write this poem for you
despite my utter loss of words
before the gratitude I feel
for being chosen by you.

Maybe all that is useless to you,
nothing but a dreamer's idle nonsense
scattered to the wind
with the dust of good intentions.

Maybe you expect the world of me
and I will fail to birth you
in this world
of concrete things.

But, as it is, come nonetheless
to clothe me, mold me,
inhabit me, transform me
ask the world of me.

Come, and I will give you all that I am,
be that only dust in the wind,
I will ask for nothing in return
but the privilege to carry you in my heart
each and every day
like the precious, life giving force that you are.

We'll be just fine

I don't know how I know
Still, as elephants roam free
throughout this land of mine
and you're up in the air
lighting up the night sky
I just know.

I already know

I already know,
you don't have to speak
of the things you've seen,
I have seen them in your eyes
and I am not afraid of them.

I already know,
you don't need to show me
the scars that mark your past,
I have touched them on your skin
and I bow to them.

I already know,
you don't have to speak
of the longings in your heart,
I have felt them in your song
and I dance to them.

I already know,
you don't have to speak
of the things that are yet to come,
they unravelled in my dreams
and I am open to them.

You are safe

You are safe, the flutter of her wings gently whispered

As the moth rested on my shoulder 

with her veil of soft darkness
piercing a hole through my deaf ear.

I hear you, moth, I do,
I feel your weightless touch
I see your delicate dark beauty
I am bewitched by the sweetness of your wine.

Yet, I do wonder, how come are you 

unafraid to burn your wings
in the fire of this love,
unabated from your quest of light,
undeterred from your thirst of truth?

How come a delicate winged creature such as you
bestows her gifts to the night alone,
so frail and so exposed to the wims of blackness?

How cruel is the mere existence of you 

in reminding me the unbereable vulnerability 

of tiny winged things 

hopelessly magnetised by beauty and grace?

Hush now, little frightened one, she spoke,

Never you mind the fulness of this fire

Nor the bait of this enticing light

Nor the menacing pitfalls of being delicate and open.

For, you see, it is your light 

that has lured me here

to burn in your love

and teach you trust.

So lay your guard down, darling,

we're just here for a little while.

Sing to me

when you sing to me
the world falls into silence
hurry dissolves into timelessness
doubt gives into trust
fear melts into love

and, as I breathe in your song,
there is no more you or I
there is just music
enchanting the whole of existence
into a beautiful cosmic dance of solace

so, you see, your song
is healing the world
through my ears
filled with tears
of grace.

Fuck

This is my tiny poem
spilled out like a tiny
(fucking)
prayer
from my tiny
(fucking)
balcony
floating through space
like a tiny
(yes, fucking)
timeless bubble:

fuck it all,
fuck cheer
fuck joy
fuck love and
most of all
fuck life
screwing up
all my fucking
(tiny)
plans!

This feels
(fucking)
un-poetically grand!

Fuck, yeah!

Here, still

As you hold me near
Bidding your goodbyes,
Tears fill my ears
And music floods my eyes.

Still, I hear the river
Tearing us apart,
Still, I see the beauty
Flowing through your heart,

Still, I feel your fingers
Piercing through my pain,
Still, I taste your sweetness
Pourring with the rain.

And as I ride this distance
Rising higher and higher,
I still breathe inside you.
Can you feel my fire?

Song of the sea

You waited until dusk to call on me

I hesitated, fussing around your shore

Like a child hanging to her mother's skirt

All the shyness dripping from my toes

Into your mouth, sinking, sinking.

You waited until my feet were swallowed

Up to my ankles into your moving sands

Like tiny roots expanding down below

All my worries slowly drenching

Into into the moist earthiness of your embrace.

You waited until my eyes were ready

To face the cruel vastness of your gaze
The moment when I realised that facing you
Is facing my self
Into the mirror hidden beneath your surface.

You waited until all my armours dissolved
Despite my fear to be seen as I am
Before you finally whispered
Come, come, my love, my child, my kin,
Come taste my salty waters with your skin.

And then you waited no more
As I surrendered to your song
Beckoning me home
Fear by fear, doubt by doubt,
Inch by inch of sunkissed skin.

I surrendered my weight
To the gentle rocking of your waves
Stroking my body with infinite kindness
And playful adoration
Teaching me to trust the unbearable lightness of being.

I surrendered my pain
To the hollow of your depth
Receiving my teardrops
Like a mother receives her long lost children
Teaching me the alchemy of love.

I surrendered my laughter
To your choir of seagulls
Echoing the wilderness of my voice
And the flutter of my invizibile wings
Teaching me the sheer joy of being alive.

And as I melted into your waters
We became one
There was no more beholder and beheld
No more above and below
Only the beloved.

And the song.

When the time came to be born again
Out of your depth
I rose with a new awareness
Pledging to carry this song in my heart
And just allow it to be sung through my voice.

So here it is
The song of the sea
The song of love
Calling you
Home.

Come

Come, sit down besides me
And listen to the song of the forest
Calling you home
To that place of wonder
Where your feet are enchanted
With the moist throb of the earth.
Come.

Come, rest your skin on my skin
And your heart on my heart
Calling you home
To that place of ecstasy
Where your breath is alive
With the burning fire of love.
Come.

Come, fill me with your emptiness
And drink from this ocean
Calling you home
To that place of stilness
Where your mind is blessed
With the infinite depth of silence.
Come.

Something missing

Why do I always get that feeling
like something is missing
something essential
like the part of myself
that holds every other part together
in a perfect dance of shadow and light?

Whenever I come back into my own body
I get reminded of that something
and I realise it was never missing at all
It was merely forgotten
the way the moon is forgotten
once every new moonless sky
only to be revealed
through the tides of my inner seas.

I may forget about the sky and the moon
when I am frowning upon my feet
so weary from dodging life
down the easy path
I may forget about gravity
when I get lost in the seeking
of higher ground,

Yet when I dare to look up
and see you, holding me
in the light of love
I realise that everything is a
s it should be
a big cosmic sky dance
where the only thing missing
is my willingness to surrender
to the beating of my heart.

Moth

there is a moth fluttering
inside of me
ebbing and flowing
with the fire of breath
like a winged torch
rising from below
igniting the soles of my feet
in her blind throb
yearning to surrender
and receive the cooling touch
of earth

the wind blows
into her ashes
with the lightness of being
that scatters her past
in a whirling tornado
of grief
connecting land and sky
darkness and light
roots and wings
in the in between
where rainbows are born.

Hands remember

Be still, my hands, be quiet and
cease the endless fidgeting
on shriveled keyboards
and depleted canvases
where words are scarce
and colours are blind.

Be still, my hands, be good and
refrain from quivering around
deadly sharpened pencils
and blackish charcoals
that tarnish your nails
and creep under your skin.

Be still, my hands, be reasonable
for in your incessant seeking
to hold and touch other hands
to conquer the untouchable
lands and seas and trees and rocks
I fear I am loosing myself.

Oh, lord, there aren't enough pockets
not enough cuffs nor gloves
to safeguard these hands of mine
from the daunting unknown
to hinder their longing
and appease their thirst for truth.

My hands reclaim
their kingdom of touch
for they are more than
an instrument of getting things done
they are an instrument of grace
and within their grasp
lies the key to freedom.

My hands remember
the touch of earth
the touch of wind
the touch of rain
the touch of fire
but most of all, my hands remember
the touch of love.

Liberated Voice

Free your voice
like you would free a swallow
captive for so long
that she forgot
how to fly.

First you open her cage
ever so gently
for the squeaking sounds
make her quiver
with fear of an unknown sky.

Then, you whisper to her
come out, little bird,
don't be afraid to take off,
I am right here
to catch you if you fall.

You touch her broken wings
and dust off the ashes
of her burnt feathers
'from this fire you shall rise',
you sing.

Free your voice
from all spoken things
from shame and disgrace
from all tunes of sorrow and loss
and just become the song.

Then, your voice shall rise
with the choir of creation
to draw in and fill up
the sky with the sheer joy
of being alive.

The book

I am an open book

as is my heart,

stained with black ink,

unfolding my yet unwritten pages

under your gulping fingers.

Touch me,

leaf through me

feel my hardcovers

to find all the hidden cracks and holes.

Inhale

the promise

of my inner lands

and oceans

and winds

and skies.

Exhale

the ashes

off my sheets

and the forsaken knights

and their crusades

and their valor.

Write

your own stories

in the empty space

between my thighs.

Shut me down

and throw me away when you’re done,

put me on a shelf

to be worshiped

by a hundred hungry eyes.

Then, one day,

pick me up again

and open me in reverence,

Oh, that sweet day when you shall discover

that how I start or how I end

does not matter much to you anymore

for you will have found yourself

inside of me.

The pearl

Today I decided to do one thing differently,

something radical:

and that one thing is to reach out,

ask for what I need

and refrain from deeming myself weak

for being vulnerable,

in fact, I refrain for deeming myself anything

other than utterly human.

And what I need is this:

human touch,

human connection,

support,

encouragement

and kindness.

Yes, I do offer myself all these things.

I began with small sips,

just enough to push onward

through all the self hatred.

Then, one night, I took a bite,

a big bite,

and everything shifted inside;

I broke myself open to

receive my own love and support.

Yet, being self sufficient is but an illusion,

a nice and warm cocoon I weaved around myself

so I would never ever depend

on another human again

EVER

and I learned to be compassionate

to the Hurt One, to her endearing struggle

to control everything

and to push everyone away.

At some point, everything is bound to fall apart

as I learn to rise, to stand my ground,

to show myself as I am

in my paradoxical humanity

my broken heartiness

that is also my whole heartiness.

And as they do fall apart, like all things do,

I learn to bend

and to lean upon another for support,

to lean without clinging.

As I do this, something shifts inside,

imperceptible at first,

like a soft whisper

telling me that fear is safe,

that there is an awesome power

hidden in my vulnerability

disguised as weakness.

Than, louder and louder,

like a bolt of lightning,

illuminating my dark night of the soul.

It sings out:

'Yes, yes,

you are defenseless,

and that makes you angry.

But I am here for you,

I can hold you, and your rage

and everything you are.

It's alright, it's all ok.

You are held.

You are loved.

You are worthy.

Accept your defenselessness

and you shall be released.

Fear and anger will still be here

But you will be free of their grip.'

So here I am today,

angry and hurt,

afraid and lonely,

still caught up in old patterns

unable or unwilling still to let go,

with tears in my eyes

and thorns in the soles of my feet

I have walked for a thousand miles,

through the desert to come here

hungry and thirsty,

weak and vulnerable.

I have sailed stormy waters

with my fear of drowning,

lured here by a mermaid song,

I learned to swim

so I can reach this shore today

and just stand here naked

to tell you, this is me.

I have come to show you this pearl I found

at the bottom of the sea

I have carried this precious pearl

through the wicked forest

and up the ruthless mountain;

it is the quintessence of all your dreams,

your incessant seeking,

your running and becoming,

your longing and yearning.

It holds your birth song and your mourning song

and all the songs in between,

it holds your core and your purpose,

it holds all questions and all answers

Isn't it pretty? Isn't it terrifying?

It is yours, I give it to you.

Will you dare receive it?

No, I don't ask for anything in return

there are no fees, no conditions,

no strings attached, no expectations

no hidden costs to pay,

no mission to accomplish

no higher requirements.

But there is a catch.

Once you receive the gift of love,

you can never go back

to your empty pearl-less shell.

I reach out to you today,

I ask for support

and assume that it might not come,

that I might be faced, once more

with my darkest fears,

those of facing my deepest wounds:

to be hurt,

to be rejected,

to be humiliated and shamed,

to be denied,

to be abandoned,

to be separated,

when all I long for is

to just be.

Be that as it may, I reach out today

and ask of you what I ask of me:

see me!

listen to me!

receive my gift!

I ask of you as my children ask of me,

as I asked of my parents,

as they have asked of theirs.

I ask of you not so that I receive

but so that I learn to be,

to just be vulnerable.

I ask of you so you may learn too,

be it offering that you need to learn,

or be it you need to learn to refuse.

In your response lies your offering nonetheless.

You may receive my gift of asking

and with it, receive my pearl,

or you may chose to withdraw

to deny, to blame, to pursue, to judge,

to criticize, to invade, to hurt,

to abandon, to run, to humiliate,

to defend, to preach,

or to just ignore.

Whatever you decide today,

My heart is made up.

Here is my hand.

Here is my heart.

Here is my frailty.

Here is my request.

Here is my offering.

Will you receive?

If you were here

I would look into your eyes
with the eyes of sorrow
and bow to love
looking back at me

I would open my arms
to receive the presence of you
and surrender to life
embracing me

I would whisper to you
a song of joy
and listen to the music
revealed to me

I  would stroke your hair
with fluttering fingers
and soothe the longing
imbued in me

I would sit with you
in reverence
and surrender to the silence
holding me

I would promise you
to always remember
that you were here all the while
inside of me

Teaching me to turn my eyes inwards
and then outwards
to realise that everything I see and touch
is freedom.


 

Cantec de dor

Dor

De codrul verde-mi e

De codrul verde-mi e

Sa imi ascund

In dansul relele.

Dor

De cerul albastru-mi e

De cerul albastru-mi e

Sa imi inalt

Spre dansul visele.

Dor

De marea neagra-mi e

De marea neagra-mi e

Sa imi revars

In dansa grijile.

Dor

De pieptul lui imi e

De pieptul lui imi e

Sa-mi odihnesc

Pe dansul oasele.

https://soundcloud.com/irina-latis/cantec-de-dor

I miss you too

I miss you too,
The wind whispers, 
echoing your song of longing back to you;
you are the one I have been seeking, 
let me smooth the edges of your skin with pearls of salt 
carried from across the seas 
as a gift of union to your falling tears.

I miss you too,
The earth quivers 
as you surrender your weight to meet her moist embrace; 
let me caress the soles of your feet 
as you carve your step on my heart 
to make your mark in this world; 
you are the one I have been waiting for, 
you rose from my depths and in my depths you shall return, 
unspoiled, unbound, undeterred. 

I miss you too,
The sky teases, 
enticing your mind to unwind and unravel its thousand and one ideas 
to light up the night with its stories of wonder, 
defying all walls and papers, 
defying everything but your imagination; 
come to me, the sky calls, 
you are the one I have created from the dust of stars, 
come see what you are made of.

I miss you too,
The river sings, 
birthing from the womb of a mighty mountain 
to meet your yearning; 
come, quench your thirst, tame your fire and ease your mind; 
you are the one I have been flowing to, 
you are my sea, my love.
I miss you too

I miss you too
The friend confesses,
caressing your broken heart with infinite gentlness
He sits by you
with his kind presence
Transforming this engulfing isolation
into a quiet healing solitude
that invites you to open and trust again 
You are the one trustworthy of all the secrets
I have been keeping.
I miss you too

holding space

holding space
for another to just be
to just breathe
to just feel
to just express
to just relax
to just surrender

is to hang your own story
on the highest branch
of the nearest tree
and leave it there
for the winds to blow
and the sun to dry
and rain to clean
and the hawk to prey upon

is to let yourself
expand beyond
your beliefs
your skin
your feelings
your ground
your safe zone

and just allow
for the other
to live
and breathe
and feel
through you
until they can rest
in the cradle of creation
being born
and giving birth
all at once

it is only then
that the boundaries
will fade
and there will be no more
you and the other
no more space
in between
only being

dance

there is a dance,
a dance that requires no music
other than the beating of this heart
birthing the rhythm of blood
like the lullaby you once heard
inside your mother's womb;
remember that song
and let your body dance itself
back to love

there is a dance,
a dance that requires no music
other than the ocean of this breath
swinging her waves back and forth
from me to you and you to me
until fire and water attune;
remember that song
and let our bodies
melt into oneness

there is a dance,
a dance that requires no music
other than the song of this earth
orbiting like a wandering dervish
around the flaming star
lighting up her skies;
remember that song
and become one
with the dance of life.

human love

it's been a long time
since I allowed a man
inside this temple

I must admit
there was a statute here
it looked strangely like my father

and I prayed by this statue
measuring all who would dare enter
by his height and demeanour

I would cast them in different roles
and they would oblige
wearing different masks

after all, this is my temple
I call it sacred
and perform my little rituals by moonlight

so it must be sacred
if I meditate long enough
and I burn just the right incense

then how come the door is locked
I wonder as I do admit
men have spent a night or two within

be gone, I would tell them
as morning would break me open, be gone
and shut the door behind you

they would oblige
and I would sigh in relief
while putting out the fire

yet there will come a day
oh, may that day be this one
when statues fall and love shall rise

a day when I am standing naked
in the doorway of my sacred temple
unafraid to see and be seen

a day when I stand up and say
yes, 'we can love each other
even if we don't fully love ourselves yet

simply because it is the loving and heartache
that feeds our self love
so i take this vow

to cease denying myself
in this human love
just because I feel it is incomplete, imperfect and messy'

and while I wait and pray
to rise in love
and be one with all that is

I will also shout from the rooftop
of my sacred temple
I am open to human love.

breathe

breathe into your thoughts
before you think
as the mountain breathes into his forests
whispering the silence of the sky
to callous ears covered in snow

breathe into your words
before you speak
as the jaybird breathes into his wings
humming the song of freedom
to meet yet another storm

breathe into your palms
before you touch
as the rosebud breathes into her petals
unfolding her hidden treasure
to receive the blessing of the rain

breathe into your womb
before you create
as the volcano breathes into her depth
kindling the seeds of fire
to melt all fears in its flare

breathe into your soles
before you take this step
as the tree breathes in the earth
bearing the gift of peace
from its roots up to his ripping fruit

breathe into your heart
before you look at me
as the sea breathes in the moon
shaping her silhouette to the tides
that yearn to reach her core

silent prayer

may this man,
this ruthless man
a warrior with no war to bear
other than the crusade
against his own heart
raising the flag
atop a pile of bodies
the body of hope
the body of kindness
the body of grace
the body of justice

and this woman,
this foolish woman
a martyr with no cause to bear
other than the endurance
of her own heart
faking her death
faking her voice
faking her light
only to disguise
her genuine beauty
and unerring power

lastly meet as they are
see each other
beyond all layers
hear each other
beyond words
touch each other
beyond skin and bones
taste each other
beyond bitter and sweet
breathe each other
beyond time and space
love not each other
but become love

so that these wings,
these folded wings
grounded dreams with no sky to bear
other than the airstrip
of their own heart
bound to a cage of ribs
to a barren nest
fluttering incessantly
like the breath
of an invisible sky
like the waves
of an invisible ocean

lastly unravel and unwind
uncurl and unfold
to birth a new bird
and learn to fly again.

the gift of presence

this pressure
of getting things done
as things pile up
mountains of things
ever rising
as I am ever climbing
and never reaching
peace

this hurry
of getting somewhere
always somewhere else
other than here
swimming upstream
a never ending river
and never reaching
the source

this anger
of being defenceless
against the world
unbearable
as a moving target
parading her weakness
before an army of
ruthless predators
and never reaching
vulnerability

they all dissolve
in the sweetness of your eyes
disarming all of my armours
into raw nakedness
in the softness of your touch
melting all my resistance
into sheer ecstasy
in the lightness of your being
illuminating all my shadows
into silent surrender

murmuration

bones are rattling
mind is rushing
heart is throbbing
voice is trembling
blood is pumping
with fear

this fear
of standing
of owning
of  belonging
of speaking
of feeling

let this fear
flow through
like river
through stone
like stone
through sea

let these bones align
this mind quieten
this heart open
this voice sing
this blood flare
in surrender

let this woman
rise to meet
the murmuration
of starling birds
defying the mighty eagle
with nothing but
sky dancing

I am water

I am the falling rain
pouring ever so gently
down the face of the earth
filling her gaps with moist surrender
impregnating her womb
with sultry river seeds
delving in darkness
endless burrows
bearing inside them
the promise of new springs

I am the boundless ocean
sheltering hidden worlds within worlds
under the spell of the moon
unravelling her secrets
to fearless sailors
steering her tides
with no compass other than love

I am the silent lake
praising the beauty of the sky
in her mirror
quenching the thirst of the deer
from her marrow
quivering from the touch of the willow tree
trimming her shores

I am the mighty iceberg
concealing her vastness
beneath the surface of things
frozen in disbelief
dilated in pride
yet melting under the cruel sun
of your neglect and indifference

I am the virgin snow
clothing the mountain peak
in bridal gowns
reflecting the shadow of the eagle
into the heart of the fierce climber
eclipsing all commandments
engraved on the stones underneath
like a blank canvas
upon which god creates

I am the morning dew
summoning the tears of night
upon the web of life
collecting pearls of dampness
into shivering palms of green
and releasing them
back to the ether
unspoiled, untouched, unbound

I am the milky mist
dripping from the bosom of the forest
to alleviate the hunger of the unloved
the lust of the unmothered
and the quest of the incessant seekers
wrapping their eyes
in the sacred fog
so they won't lose their sight

I am the wild geyser
erupting form the depth
of your hermit cave
disrupting your defenseless peace
exposing your fear of intimacy
your reluctance to sip
from the fountain of life
your inadequacy of rising
in love

mirror in mirror

you hold a mirror to your chest
reflect the world in it
some people gaze to see your breast
they see but their own shit

you hold a mirror in your palm
caress the world with it
some people reach to find their calm
but drown in their own spit

you hold a mirror in your eyes
embrace the world in it
some people dive to reach the skies
but fall into a pit

I hold a mirror in my heart
I see your heart in it
the shattered glass reflects our love
but love is hard to grip

Panting

when you've been running all these years
running for your life
yet running from yourself
you stop for a moment
to catch your breath
and bless the earth
with your palms and knees
with your sweat and tears

you find yourself
panting like a wild thing
with all your thirst for air
your hunger for touch
your longing for love

you find yourself
panting your ribcage open
your heart released
from the grip of fear
you make love to yourself
surrendering with sweet innocence
like a wild thing
surrendering to life.

and then, there's you

there are the ones who hurt you
they strangled with their hands
the breath out of your body
the future from your plans

there are the ones who left you
they turned their back and beat
the flowers in your garden
the ground beneath your feet

there are the ones who broke you
they sowed their hate within
the darkness of your nightmares
the sea under your skin

there are the ones who tricked you
they lied and they deceived
the trust you blindly offered
the things that you believed

there are the ones denying
the wilderness you stir
they seek in manmade temples
the peace you can't confer

yet as you claim your power
over your breath and skin
you find the ones who show you
the love and trust therein

what's it like to be wild

it's like the sun breaking your heart
into a thousand dawns
as you kneel by your own shadow
to claim back your fidgeting darkness
you catch a glimpse of your light
and get blindsided by denial

it's like the wind scattering your doubt
into a thousand petals
as you pluck your own feathers
to claim back your wingless body
you unwittingly lift off the ground
and get carried away by desire

it's like the forrest turning your whispers
into a thousand songs
as you numb your own voice
to claim back your unspoken lies
you startlingly begin to listen
and get ensorcelled by the sound of silence

atonement [2]

it is in my body
it was in my body all along
in my very breath
in my weight
underneath my skin
underneath the soles of my feet
on the tip of my tongue
on my fingerprints
beneath my ribcage
beneath my flesh
along my spine
along my shoulder blades
within my bones
within my blood vessels
around the softness of my breast
around the fullness of my hips
inside my womb
inside my heart
through my senses
through the sound of my voice
down the pathways of my brain
down the spiral of my genes
it was in my body all along

atonement [1]

with my wounds open
and my heart closed
atonement blooms
at the tips of your fingers
mooring forgiveness 
in my sea within
I search and explore
with no compass
other than a mermaid song
luring me back to life
teaching me touch
beyond my skin
teaching me ecstasy
beneath my scars
teaching me trust
through my dancing hips
teaching me redemption
within my body

take me away

take me away
to the ragged edge of the earth
show me the place
where the merlin goes skydiving
where the wale chants the mysteries of the sea
where the fox schemes her divine mischief
where the groundhog burrows wombs of mud
where the otter splashes laughter into the river of life

and I will teach you
how to dive into a woman's heart
blindfolded yet fully aware
how to immerse within a woman's sea of chance
without drowning
how to get lost into the forest of a woman's dreams
and still find yourself
how to burrow your darkness inside a woman's womb
and be born again

trust

when you can pull your own weight
and stand your ground
to face the sun
and the wind tearing your fears apart
yet not hesitate to lean upon another
to receive the gift of weightlessness

when you can saddle your horse
and lead the way
through muddy waters
and thick forests
yet not cling to your steering nor your map
to keep you safe from harm

when you can look another in the eye
and loose yourself
in the light of love
oblivious to who you were
yet fully aware of who you are
one with everything

then you will have tasted
the sweet ecstasy of trust
and life will never again be the same

The bridge

You wake up each given morning standing on a shallow bridge feeling into a misty abyss You wake up again and again on the verge of either a breakthrough or yet another day of avoiding the emptiness You take note of your feelings write them down in technicolor and contemplate them from a safe distance Will you dare to cross the bridge today You wonder as you set your intention armored up to your neck with doubt There is a woman standing on the other side You can feel her gaze of steel piercing through your skin She had died in your dream the night before murdered by a psychotic ex husband yet there she stands, looking at you She will quietly wait on the other side with infinite patience and kindness until you either cross or burn down the fucking bridge What will it be?

The waiting

I wait for you

I wait for you
without waiting for you
and this kind of waiting is healing
because in the meantime
I face the void that spreads
like a gruesome nothingness
an infinite space
between my thoughts
between my doings
between my legs

I wait for you
without waiting for you
and in the meantime
I find myself
not as the waiter
not as the doer
not as the thinker
not as the lover
but as the infinite space
in between

I wait for you
and as I wait, I forget
what is it I am waiting for
is it your love
is it your attention
is it your seeing me
is it your feeling me
is it your touching me
is it your beckoning me home

I wait for you
to betray me
to deny me
to hurt me
to deceive me
to abandon me
so that I finally realise
that I am the one I have been waiting for
all along

what if

what if the fortress you have built
around your heart
with fearful invisible hands
to safeguard your little secrets
was but a temple made of sand
where love comes to pray
for an absolution?

what if the wall that splits
your kingdom into
separate tribes
one ruled by fear
and the other by love
was actually a bridge
upon which heralds of joy
bring their message hither and tither?

what if I were to cross
this bridge from my heart to yours
armed with but a song
and I were to kneel
by the ruins of your
broken city walls
to sing it back to you?

would you listen to the wind
that carries the ashes
of who you used to be
onto the womb of the earth
and water the soil
with your tears of grief
to saw the seeds of rebirth?

The call of the body

I sit with you
we pour some tea
as I speak of my misfortunes
of my rise and falls
of my know it alls
of my hopes and dreams
of my plans and schemes

You sit with me
as you sip your tea
and you tell me yours
of your dues and chores
of your pains and fears
of your days and years
of your secret plots
of your private thoughts

Yet if my body could speak
it would tell a different story
it would creak and moan
it would scream and groan
of my weariness
of my loneliness
of my fear to trust
of my pending lust

Yet if your body spoke
it would yield to yoke
it would yearn to melt
to be worn and felt
to be smelled and touched
to be held and clutched
to be rendered whole
by my body's call.

Joy

Sometimes it seems Joy eludes you like a dream perishing beneath your weary eyelids when you wake You try to grasp her pin her down hold on to her drag her down the highways and subways on cars and shuttle buses You force her into your bed and cling to her skirt in your entitled fit of rage You collect her moments, craft your strings of pearls in tiny belljars, never to be worn never to be touched never to be felt only to be worshiped from a distance You rob her of her children to build your armies and feed your wars in blind fury and greed for more, much more, forever more You pluck her hair and cover her face for you shan't bare any longer to stare in the eyes of the one that got away When you shall grow wise and forget to lay another brick on the wall between you and grief you will lay down your arms and weep And Joy will be there to catch your tears in her palms But there is no Joy in Pain There can't be you say as Joy lays down at your feet I am here, she shall whisper when you grow innocent I have always been here I will be here forever more

Twilight

the twilight hour
is your bridge hour
as you slowly drift
from the matter of facts
to the facts that matter

like the sun setting
upon your crests and falls
upon your cracks and walls
upon your dos and don'ts
upon your wills and wonts

like the wind howling
upon your highs and lows
upon your skin and bones
upon your yet agains
upon your hopes and plans

like the night falling
upon your empty bed
upon your weary head
upon your 'yet to be's
upon your tired knees

like the moon rising
upon your ruthless sky
upon your silent cry
upon your broken wings
upon your moonless things

the twilight hour
is your bridge hour
as you linger on shore
shaken to the core
by the facts that matter

Touch

there is a soft dizziness
that impregnates my joints
with humour

this makes my knees laugh
which, in return makes my feet dance
with lightness

there is a subtle tingling
that tickles my heart
with yearning

this makes my ribcage expand
which, in return fills my chest
with love

there is a silent storm
that steers my hands
with grit

this makes my fingers quiver
which, in return makes your fingers merge
with mine

This city is my forest

This city is my forest,

the concrete is my grass,

I fret my knees and elbows

on mountains made of glass.

This chamber is my meadow,

this bicycle, my horse,

I saddle cross a highway

on wheels out of course.

This pigeon is my eagle,

these stray dogs are my pack,

I hunt for empty chairs

on crowded subway tracks.

This sidewalk is my seashore,

this tramway is my ship,

I sail the traffic ocean

on moorings hard to grip.

The wind is my beloved

Who blows beneath my skirt

‘I sowed a flame inside you

to burn out all your hurt.’

Contact

I pour my body onto the floor

and let the ground receive my weight

as the earth receives the rain

gently soaking in it’s moist embrace

filling it’s emptiness with weightless love.

I roll my elbows against the dirt

and let the dust penetrate my skin

as the air fills the void,

quiet and unseen in it’s quivering dance

of birds and winds and timeless specs of stars.

I hold my hand to meet your hand

and let our fingers tell the story

as the trees sing poems yet unsung

reaching their branches to the skies

to write upon them the rootless words of silence.

I give into your body

and let your essence sink into my essence

as seeds of life sink into boundless wombs

spreading their genes upon a hollow canvas

to create new dawns, new beginnings, new worlds.

The path of love

You walk a fragile path, my child,

you walk the path of love

and as you venture through the wild

as lightly as a dove

don’t seek permission to take off

nor leave to fly above.

You walk your anguish and your hurt,

you freeze on riffles’ sound

and as you linger through the dirt

as shaky as the ground

don’t mind the bullets that you’ve dodged

nor exit wounds you’ve found.

You walk a lonely road sometimes,

no shortcuts and no breaks

and as you count your countless crimes

as harsh as your mistakes

don’t be so quick to draw the line

nor judge your childish aches.

You walk with no one by your side

To guide you on your way

yet as you walk over your pride

as humble as the prey

don’t  underestimate the grace
that shadows your dismay.

(dedicated to Vera

photo credits: http://www.decarbonazul.com)

Be gentle with yourself

Be gentle with yourself
as you would be gentle
with a stranded seashell on the shore,
and the River shall gently carry you
back to the numinous sea,
for you carry the seed of fierce waters
within the shell
of your womb.

Be gentle with yourself
as you would be gentle
with a wounded deer
and the Earth shall gently embed your roots
into the yielding soil,
for you carry the seed of splendid antlers
within the hollow
of your mind.

Be gentle with yourself,
as you would be gentle
with a fallen bird
and the Wind shall gently lift you off
into the misty air,
for you carry the seed of mighty wings
within the nest
of your shoulder blades.

Be gentle with yourself,
as you would be gentle
with a burned out firefly
and the Fire shall gently ignite a spark
atop a soaring mountain,
for you carry the seed of astounding flames
within the walls
around your heart.

Weed blessing

How does one even begin

to drain the hate under their skin,

to squeeze it in and spit it out,

to clear the vessels clogged with doubt?

How does one begin to trust

when evil wills and evil must,

when anger bites and anger thrives

on words that cut like poignant knives?

How does one begin to see

that which was drowned beneath the sea,

that which was cast in such disguise

that it befell on blinded eyes?

How does one begin to feel

the tombstone weight that made them kneel,

the legacy of hurt and sorrow,

the prophecy of doom tomorrow?

How does one begin to love

from down below to high above,

from wretchedness to gratitude,

from loneliness to solitude?

How one does, I do not know

I weave my verses on the go,

I sow my dreams with timely seeds
I bless my flowers and my weeds.

Now you are free

Now you are free

And not because you are finally healed

But because you wear your bruises and scars

In the open

Now you are free

And not because you have arrived

But because you realized you were already

Home

Now you are free

And not because all your duties are met

But because you found peace amidst

Chaos

Now you are free

And not because you can travel the world

But because you are exploring the world

Within

Now you are free

And not because you have untied yourself from the other

But because you opened your heart to

Love

Now you are free

And not because you finally dared to speak up

But because you found solace in

Silence

Now you are free

And not because you are fearless

But because you have fearfully tamed your

Fear

Now you are free

And not because you are unbound from earthly things

But because you are no longer driven by

Desire

Now you are free

And not because you have finally earned enough spare time

But because you found timelessness in your own

Breath

Now you are free

And not because you loosened the grip of your chain

But because you found your true voice

Unchained

Now you are free
And not because you finally forgave the injustice inflicted upon you
But because you blessed yourself with
Forgiveness 

Now you are free

And not because you are finally good enough

But because you just realized that you were always
Enough

Now you are free
And not because you claimed back your freedom
But because you just allowed for complete
Surrender