The waiting

I wait for you

I wait for you
without waiting for you
and this kind of waiting is healing
because in the meantime
I face the void that spreads
like a gruesome nothingness
an infinite space
between my thoughts
between my doings
between my legs

I wait for you
without waiting for you
and in the meantime
I find myself
not as the waiter
not as the doer
not as the thinker
not as the lover
but as the infinite space
in between

I wait for you
and as I wait, I forget
what is it I am waiting for
is it your love
is it your attention
is it your seeing me
is it your feeling me
is it your touching me
is it your beckoning me home

I wait for you
to betray me
to deny me
to hurt me
to deceive me
to abandon me
so that I finally realise
that I am the one I have been waiting for
all along