Of roses and lillies

I believe in the secret language of dreams
I do
Those midnights dreams,
daydreams,
dream journeys
dreams I call reality,
They all speak in this secret language.

They speak of secrets deeply buried
inside of my own queendom,
Dark secrets eager to be revealed
and remembered.

They sometimes speak in Archetypes
and my whole world lights up
with the secret knowledge
buried in its psyche.

Some other times they speak
in animal voices
In spirit animal disguise
In the secret life of bees.
I dreamed of
a wolf,
an otter
a dolphin
a reindeer
And they all carried a deep message for me
As well as a special power
yet to be discovered and channeled.

At times they speak through the departed
My mother, my grandmother
They all speak to me still
From far beyond my reach,
my understanding.

But then there are those other times
when they speak to me through the dreams of others
They speak to me in signs.
Teaching me to recognise the signs
To trust and follow them
As quirky, even crazy it may all seem to my educated mind,
They do speak if I take the trouble to listen.

Listen to the elephants
and lillies and roses
and reindeer shawls and sweaters
and hidden messages in books that haunt me
and coincidences
and numbers
and unbelievable amazing events
that occur in the middle of uneventful living.

All there to remind me
of me
of life inside and out of me
of the Universe
of things I cannot place into simple words.

But you will know them
if you follow your own
roses and lillies.

I promise.

Nothing is useless to the source

Some words require to be spoken
As some feelings require to be felt,
Some facts require to be broken
As some fears require to be melt.

Some stories require to be written
As some stories require to be gone,
Some tongues require to be bitten
As some tears require to be spawn.

Some loves require to be fallen
As some loves require to be raised,
Some kisses require to be stollen
As some eyes require to be amazed.

Some mouths require to be silenced
As some throats require to be cut,
Some acts require acts of violence
As some eyes require to be shut.

Some fires require to be stricken
As some fires require to be lit,
Some thoughts require to be unwritten
As some thoughts require to be fit.

Some poisons require to be swallowed
As some poisons require to be spit,
Some dreams require to be followed
As some dreams require to be quit.

But neither peace nor war required
As neither love nor hate,
Neither caress nor touch desired
Could ever be a waste of fate.

And my desire is God's desire
As source requires to see it's course,
Neither my longing nor my fire,
Nothing is useless to the source.

The one I used to be

I used to be a wife
A good wife, I used to think
Doing all the things a good wife would do.
Being pretty, and sexual and true.
I was the good wife of the man I loved
A good man, I used to think
Doing all the things a good man would do.

Then, one morning, I saw myself
Not good enough, I used to think
Doing all of the things a bad wife would do.
Lying and cheating and blaming too.
Feeling guilty.
I was the bad wife of the man who left.

I used to be a daughter
A good daughter, I used to think
Doing all of the things a good daughter would do.
I was the good daughter of my mother
A good mother, I used to think
Doing all of the things a good mother would do.

Only one night, I saw myself
Not good enough, I used to think
Doing all of the things a bad daughter would do.
Not being there near my mother's death bed.
Feeling guilty.
A bad daughter of the mother who died.

I used to be a mother
A good mother, I used to think.
Doing all the good things a mother would do,
Mothering with sacrifice.
I was the good mother to the children I bore
The children I birthed and nurtured.

Until one day, I saw myself
A bad mother, I used to think
Doing all of the things a bad mother would do.
Being self centred, and angry and overwhelmed.
Feeling guilty.
A bad mother to the children who cried.

I used to be a person,
A good person, I used to think.
Doing all of the things a good person would do,
Meditating, eating healthy, helping the poor.
I was the good person to everyone else but me,
The one yearning for love.

Once upon a December I saw myself
A bad person, I used to think.
Doing all of the things a bad person would do,
Smoking, and drinking, drifting away in despair.
Feeing guilty.
A bad person to the one that needed me the most.

Tonight I see myself,
As the sum of all I used to be.
Doing all the things I expect of me
My duty, my burden my responsibility
Feeling the fear, the guilt, the ecstasy
All in one
But also beyond, I see me
Fearless, forgiving, whole and holy.

I hope that tomorrow I'll be who I am
A human being.
A wild woman.
A free spirit.
Doing all of the things a free spirit would do.
Climbing, and howling and breathing too.
Feeling loved.
Loving.
Sharing her gift to the whole wide world.
Her husband.
Her children.
Her family.
Her self.
Her mankind.
Her planet.
Her source.

Freedom rocks

Freedom rocks, alright. 
It rocks everything. 
It rocks your boat, 
it rocks your home, 
it rocks your dreams, 
your safety it seems, 
your plans, your schemes,
It rocks your everything.

Freedom rocks, alright. 
It rocks you to sleep 
when fear grasps your weary eyelids, 
your bones, your mighty heart, 
your ankles and knees, your heels. 
Freedom from fear is the ultimate thing. 
It rocks you to your core, 
to your darkest place, 
you're no longer king
you dare not enter,
to safety you cling.

You pour yourself another glass of wine 
hoping to buy a one way ticket 
you shine, for a while.
But it goes both ways. 
Any escape ticket from fear 
goes both ways. 
Always. 

Freedom rocks, alright. 
Remember that before you claim your right to freedom. 
And it is too within your rights, it is. 
Flowing in your blood, it is. 
Encoded in your DNA, it is. 

Lost your key, have you? 
Do not worry, because freedom rocks, it does. 
It will rock your boat, your home, your mind, your dreams. 
It will haunt you, track you, lure you 
in those dark corners until 
you will be tired of running, tired of being afraid all of the time. 
And you will finally give up, you will. 
You will be free!