Brutally soft

I am a brutally soft woman
I melt under your skin
through the crack in your wall
tearing your defence down
tearing you down
brutally
unapologetically
ruthlessly
tearing you down
with the soft curves
of my hips
with the moist darkness
of my womb
with the soothing fulness
of my breast
with the gentle radiance
of my face
with the silent music
of my heart
I tear you down
so you may rise above
your walls
your defence
your past
and become
brutally soft
with your self.

I am a brutally soft woman
I challenge you
where it hurts the most
where you raped me
and blamed me
and forced me to cage my wings
and seal my lips
and cover my hair
and hide my face
and shame my body
and silence my song
where your father did the same
his father's father did
as my mother tolerated
abuse
and shame
and promiscuity
and punished my father for it
so we may finally learn
to forgive each other
and be brutally soft
together.

It's in the little things

It's in the little things
always
in the little things
where love is hidden

and the big things
become more little
as you breathe in
and out
zooming in
and out

It's in between things
always
in between
where life just is.

Father, may I breathe in church?

My sweet child,
I have built a home for you
to shelter your innocence
and safe keep the seeds of your dreams
Yet in the building I have lost myself
I held my breath
and could not bear to look at you
for in you I saw the innocence I had lost.

My wild rose,
I have built a temple for you
to shelter your prayers
and echo the voice of God back to you,
yet in the building I have lost myself,
I held my breath
and I could not hear the choir of angels
singing through your voice.

Forgive me,
for in my last prayer inside this temple
I can finally hear you
and your voice is the sound of grace
reclaiming the gift of breath
inside the church of this body.

Forgive me,
for in my last breath
I am whispering to you
I can finally see you
and you are beautiful,
You are precious,
You are strong
like the wild roses
in the garden I have forsaken for so long.

I thought I was here to protect you
and teach you the ruthless ways of this world
yet in the end, I see
it was you all along
teaching me that
I am safe to be here,
I am safe to surrender my breath to this love.

*To Cecilia and her garden of oak trees and wild roses, with love and reverence