the gift of presence

this pressure
of getting things done
as things pile up
mountains of things
ever rising
as I am ever climbing
and never reaching
peace

this hurry
of getting somewhere
always somewhere else
other than here
swimming upstream
a never ending river
and never reaching
the source

this anger
of being defenceless
against the world
unbearable
as a moving target
parading her weakness
before an army of
ruthless predators
and never reaching
vulnerability

they all dissolve
in the sweetness of your eyes
disarming all of my armours
into raw nakedness
in the softness of your touch
melting all my resistance
into sheer ecstasy
in the lightness of your being
illuminating all my shadows
into silent surrender

murmuration

bones are rattling
mind is rushing
heart is throbbing
voice is trembling
blood is pumping
with fear

this fear
of standing
of owning
of  belonging
of speaking
of feeling

let this fear
flow through
like river
through stone
like stone
through sea

let these bones align
this mind quieten
this heart open
this voice sing
this blood flare
in surrender

let this woman
rise to meet
the murmuration
of starling birds
defying the mighty eagle
with nothing but
sky dancing

I am water

I am the falling rain
pouring ever so gently
down the face of the earth
filling her gaps with moist surrender
impregnating her womb
with sultry river seeds
delving in darkness
endless burrows
bearing inside them
the promise of new springs

I am the boundless ocean
sheltering hidden worlds within worlds
under the spell of the moon
unravelling her secrets
to fearless sailors
steering her tides
with no compass other than love

I am the silent lake
praising the beauty of the sky
in her mirror
quenching the thirst of the deer
from her marrow
quivering from the touch of the willow tree
trimming her shores

I am the mighty iceberg
concealing her vastness
beneath the surface of things
frozen in disbelief
dilated in pride
yet melting under the cruel sun
of your neglect and indifference

I am the virgin snow
clothing the mountain peak
in bridal gowns
reflecting the shadow of the eagle
into the heart of the fierce climber
eclipsing all commandments
engraved on the stones underneath
like a blank canvas
upon which god creates

I am the morning dew
summoning the tears of night
upon the web of life
collecting pearls of dampness
into shivering palms of green
and releasing them
back to the ether
unspoiled, untouched, unbound

I am the milky mist
dripping from the bosom of the forest
to alleviate the hunger of the unloved
the lust of the unmothered
and the quest of the incessant seekers
wrapping their eyes
in the sacred fog
so they won't lose their sight

I am the wild geyser
erupting form the depth
of your hermit cave
disrupting your defenseless peace
exposing your fear of intimacy
your reluctance to sip
from the fountain of life
your inadequacy of rising
in love

mirror in mirror

you hold a mirror to your chest
reflect the world in it
some people gaze to see your breast
they see but their own shit

you hold a mirror in your palm
caress the world with it
some people reach to find their calm
but drown in their own spit

you hold a mirror in your eyes
embrace the world in it
some people dive to reach the skies
but fall into a pit

I hold a mirror in my heart
I see your heart in it
the shattered glass reflects our love
but love is hard to grip

Panting

when you've been running all these years
running for your life
yet running from yourself
you stop for a moment
to catch your breath
and bless the earth
with your palms and knees
with your sweat and tears

you find yourself
panting like a wild thing
with all your thirst for air
your hunger for touch
your longing for love

you find yourself
panting your ribcage open
your heart released
from the grip of fear
you make love to yourself
surrendering with sweet innocence
like a wild thing
surrendering to life.

and then, there's you

there are the ones who hurt you
they strangled with their hands
the breath out of your body
the future from your plans

there are the ones who left you
they turned their back and beat
the flowers in your garden
the ground beneath your feet

there are the ones who broke you
they sowed their hate within
the darkness of your nightmares
the sea under your skin

there are the ones who tricked you
they lied and they deceived
the trust you blindly offered
the things that you believed

there are the ones denying
the wilderness you stir
they seek in manmade temples
the peace you can't confer

yet as you claim your power
over your breath and skin
you find the ones who show you
the love and trust therein

what's it like to be wild

it's like the sun breaking your heart
into a thousand dawns
as you kneel by your own shadow
to claim back your fidgeting darkness
you catch a glimpse of your light
and get blindsided by denial

it's like the wind scattering your doubt
into a thousand petals
as you pluck your own feathers
to claim back your wingless body
you unwittingly lift off the ground
and get carried away by desire

it's like the forrest turning your whispers
into a thousand songs
as you numb your own voice
to claim back your unspoken lies
you startlingly begin to listen
and get ensorcelled by the sound of silence

atonement [2]

it is in my body
it was in my body all along
in my very breath
in my weight
underneath my skin
underneath the soles of my feet
on the tip of my tongue
on my fingerprints
beneath my ribcage
beneath my flesh
along my spine
along my shoulder blades
within my bones
within my blood vessels
around the softness of my breast
around the fullness of my hips
inside my womb
inside my heart
through my senses
through the sound of my voice
down the pathways of my brain
down the spiral of my genes
it was in my body all along

atonement [1]

with my wounds open
and my heart closed
atonement blooms
at the tips of your fingers
mooring forgiveness 
in my sea within
I search and explore
with no compass
other than a mermaid song
luring me back to life
teaching me touch
beyond my skin
teaching me ecstasy
beneath my scars
teaching me trust
through my dancing hips
teaching me redemption
within my body

take me away

take me away
to the ragged edge of the earth
show me the place
where the merlin goes skydiving
where the wale chants the mysteries of the sea
where the fox schemes her divine mischief
where the groundhog burrows wombs of mud
where the otter splashes laughter into the river of life

and I will teach you
how to dive into a woman's heart
blindfolded yet fully aware
how to immerse within a woman's sea of chance
without drowning
how to get lost into the forest of a woman's dreams
and still find yourself
how to burrow your darkness inside a woman's womb
and be born again