The pearl

Today I decided to do one thing differently,

something radical:

and that one thing is to reach out,

ask for what I need

and refrain from deeming myself weak

for being vulnerable,

in fact, I refrain for deeming myself anything

other than utterly human.

And what I need is this:

human touch,

human connection,

support,

encouragement

and kindness.

Yes, I do offer myself all these things.

I began with small sips,

just enough to push onward

through all the self hatred.

Then, one night, I took a bite,

a big bite,

and everything shifted inside;

I broke myself open to

receive my own love and support.

Yet, being self sufficient is but an illusion,

a nice and warm cocoon I weaved around myself

so I would never ever depend

on another human again

EVER

and I learned to be compassionate

to the Hurt One, to her endearing struggle

to control everything

and to push everyone away.

At some point, everything is bound to fall apart

as I learn to rise, to stand my ground,

to show myself as I am

in my paradoxical humanity

my broken heartiness

that is also my whole heartiness.

And as they do fall apart, like all things do,

I learn to bend

and to lean upon another for support,

to lean without clinging.

As I do this, something shifts inside,

imperceptible at first,

like a soft whisper

telling me that fear is safe,

that there is an awesome power

hidden in my vulnerability

disguised as weakness.

Than, louder and louder,

like a bolt of lightning,

illuminating my dark night of the soul.

It sings out:

'Yes, yes,

you are defenseless,

and that makes you angry.

But I am here for you,

I can hold you, and your rage

and everything you are.

It's alright, it's all ok.

You are held.

You are loved.

You are worthy.

Accept your defenselessness

and you shall be released.

Fear and anger will still be here

But you will be free of their grip.'

So here I am today,

angry and hurt,

afraid and lonely,

still caught up in old patterns

unable or unwilling still to let go,

with tears in my eyes

and thorns in the soles of my feet

I have walked for a thousand miles,

through the desert to come here

hungry and thirsty,

weak and vulnerable.

I have sailed stormy waters

with my fear of drowning,

lured here by a mermaid song,

I learned to swim

so I can reach this shore today

and just stand here naked

to tell you, this is me.

I have come to show you this pearl I found

at the bottom of the sea

I have carried this precious pearl

through the wicked forest

and up the ruthless mountain;

it is the quintessence of all your dreams,

your incessant seeking,

your running and becoming,

your longing and yearning.

It holds your birth song and your mourning song

and all the songs in between,

it holds your core and your purpose,

it holds all questions and all answers

Isn't it pretty? Isn't it terrifying?

It is yours, I give it to you.

Will you dare receive it?

No, I don't ask for anything in return

there are no fees, no conditions,

no strings attached, no expectations

no hidden costs to pay,

no mission to accomplish

no higher requirements.

But there is a catch.

Once you receive the gift of love,

you can never go back

to your empty pearl-less shell.

I reach out to you today,

I ask for support

and assume that it might not come,

that I might be faced, once more

with my darkest fears,

those of facing my deepest wounds:

to be hurt,

to be rejected,

to be humiliated and shamed,

to be denied,

to be abandoned,

to be separated,

when all I long for is

to just be.

Be that as it may, I reach out today

and ask of you what I ask of me:

see me!

listen to me!

receive my gift!

I ask of you as my children ask of me,

as I asked of my parents,

as they have asked of theirs.

I ask of you not so that I receive

but so that I learn to be,

to just be vulnerable.

I ask of you so you may learn too,

be it offering that you need to learn,

or be it you need to learn to refuse.

In your response lies your offering nonetheless.

You may receive my gift of asking

and with it, receive my pearl,

or you may chose to withdraw

to deny, to blame, to pursue, to judge,

to criticize, to invade, to hurt,

to abandon, to run, to humiliate,

to defend, to preach,

or to just ignore.

Whatever you decide today,

My heart is made up.

Here is my hand.

Here is my heart.

Here is my frailty.

Here is my request.

Here is my offering.

Will you receive?

If you were here

I would look into your eyes
with the eyes of sorrow
and bow to love
looking back at me

I would open my arms
to receive the presence of you
and surrender to life
embracing me

I would whisper to you
a song of joy
and listen to the music
revealed to me

I  would stroke your hair
with fluttering fingers
and soothe the longing
imbued in me

I would sit with you
in reverence
and surrender to the silence
holding me

I would promise you
to always remember
that you were here all the while
inside of me

Teaching me to turn my eyes inwards
and then outwards
to realise that everything I see and touch
is freedom.


 

Cantec de dor

Dor

De codrul verde-mi e

De codrul verde-mi e

Sa imi ascund

In dansul relele.

Dor

De cerul albastru-mi e

De cerul albastru-mi e

Sa imi inalt

Spre dansul visele.

Dor

De marea neagra-mi e

De marea neagra-mi e

Sa imi revars

In dansa grijile.

Dor

De pieptul lui imi e

De pieptul lui imi e

Sa-mi odihnesc

Pe dansul oasele.

https://soundcloud.com/irina-latis/cantec-de-dor

I miss you too

I miss you too,
The wind whispers, 
echoing your song of longing back to you;
you are the one I have been seeking, 
let me smooth the edges of your skin with pearls of salt 
carried from across the seas 
as a gift of union to your falling tears.

I miss you too,
The earth quivers 
as you surrender your weight to meet her moist embrace; 
let me caress the soles of your feet 
as you carve your step on my heart 
to make your mark in this world; 
you are the one I have been waiting for, 
you rose from my depths and in my depths you shall return, 
unspoiled, unbound, undeterred. 

I miss you too,
The sky teases, 
enticing your mind to unwind and unravel its thousand and one ideas 
to light up the night with its stories of wonder, 
defying all walls and papers, 
defying everything but your imagination; 
come to me, the sky calls, 
you are the one I have created from the dust of stars, 
come see what you are made of.

I miss you too,
The river sings, 
birthing from the womb of a mighty mountain 
to meet your yearning; 
come, quench your thirst, tame your fire and ease your mind; 
you are the one I have been flowing to, 
you are my sea, my love.
I miss you too

I miss you too
The friend confesses,
caressing your broken heart with infinite gentlness
He sits by you
with his kind presence
Transforming this engulfing isolation
into a quiet healing solitude
that invites you to open and trust again 
You are the one trustworthy of all the secrets
I have been keeping.
I miss you too

holding space

holding space
for another to just be
to just breathe
to just feel
to just express
to just relax
to just surrender

is to hang your own story
on the highest branch
of the nearest tree
and leave it there
for the winds to blow
and the sun to dry
and rain to clean
and the hawk to prey upon

is to let yourself
expand beyond
your beliefs
your skin
your feelings
your ground
your safe zone

and just allow
for the other
to live
and breathe
and feel
through you
until they can rest
in the cradle of creation
being born
and giving birth
all at once

it is only then
that the boundaries
will fade
and there will be no more
you and the other
no more space
in between
only being

dance

there is a dance,
a dance that requires no music
other than the beating of this heart
birthing the rhythm of blood
like the lullaby you once heard
inside your mother's womb;
remember that song
and let your body dance itself
back to love

there is a dance,
a dance that requires no music
other than the ocean of this breath
swinging her waves back and forth
from me to you and you to me
until fire and water attune;
remember that song
and let our bodies
melt into oneness

there is a dance,
a dance that requires no music
other than the song of this earth
orbiting like a wandering dervish
around the flaming star
lighting up her skies;
remember that song
and become one
with the dance of life.

human love

it's been a long time
since I allowed a man
inside this temple

I must admit
there was a statute here
it looked strangely like my father

and I prayed by this statue
measuring all who would dare enter
by his height and demeanour

I would cast them in different roles
and they would oblige
wearing different masks

after all, this is my temple
I call it sacred
and perform my little rituals by moonlight

so it must be sacred
if I meditate long enough
and I burn just the right incense

then how come the door is locked
I wonder as I do admit
men have spent a night or two within

be gone, I would tell them
as morning would break me open, be gone
and shut the door behind you

they would oblige
and I would sigh in relief
while putting out the fire

yet there will come a day
oh, may that day be this one
when statues fall and love shall rise

a day when I am standing naked
in the doorway of my sacred temple
unafraid to see and be seen

a day when I stand up and say
yes, 'we can love each other
even if we don't fully love ourselves yet

simply because it is the loving and heartache
that feeds our self love
so i take this vow

to cease denying myself
in this human love
just because I feel it is incomplete, imperfect and messy'

and while I wait and pray
to rise in love
and be one with all that is

I will also shout from the rooftop
of my sacred temple
I am open to human love.

breathe

breathe into your thoughts
before you think
as the mountain breathes into his forests
whispering the silence of the sky
to callous ears covered in snow

breathe into your words
before you speak
as the jaybird breathes into his wings
humming the song of freedom
to meet yet another storm

breathe into your palms
before you touch
as the rosebud breathes into her petals
unfolding her hidden treasure
to receive the blessing of the rain

breathe into your womb
before you create
as the volcano breathes into her depth
kindling the seeds of fire
to melt all fears in its flare

breathe into your soles
before you take this step
as the tree breathes in the earth
bearing the gift of peace
from its roots up to his ripping fruit

breathe into your heart
before you look at me
as the sea breathes in the moon
shaping her silhouette to the tides
that yearn to reach her core

silent prayer

may this man,
this ruthless man
a warrior with no war to bear
other than the crusade
against his own heart
raising the flag
atop a pile of bodies
the body of hope
the body of kindness
the body of grace
the body of justice

and this woman,
this foolish woman
a martyr with no cause to bear
other than the endurance
of her own heart
faking her death
faking her voice
faking her light
only to disguise
her genuine beauty
and unerring power

lastly meet as they are
see each other
beyond all layers
hear each other
beyond words
touch each other
beyond skin and bones
taste each other
beyond bitter and sweet
breathe each other
beyond time and space
love not each other
but become love

so that these wings,
these folded wings
grounded dreams with no sky to bear
other than the airstrip
of their own heart
bound to a cage of ribs
to a barren nest
fluttering incessantly
like the breath
of an invisible sky
like the waves
of an invisible ocean

lastly unravel and unwind
uncurl and unfold
to birth a new bird
and learn to fly again.