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Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Inner bird


Once, I swallowed a bird
Now, it lives inside of me
Inside my ribcage
Who am I
I ask
I became a human birdcage
a bird captive inside of me.
Sometimes, I feel its wings
fluttering against my inner walls
I open my mouth to speak
Instead
A bird song comes out of my mouth
A liberation song
Yearning to break free from inside of me.
At other times, I nest from the inside out
As the bird lays its eggs
Inside my heart
I become a giant
Enormous
Human
Bird shelter.
On sun days I pretend
To be normal
I close my eyes
So the warmth won’t hatch my inner eggs
I walk around,
Sun less, warmth less, bird less
Yet I always carry a hidden nest.
On moon days I ask my self
What am I supposed to do
To free my bird
Am I supposed to die
Or am I supposed to fly
Is there an inner sky
Where everything floats and flows on.Today I see my selfAs a bird turned inside outWith my feathers and wings withinA bird that has forgottenHer feathers and wingsA skyless, wingless birdRemembering herself.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

open the door

there's a wind that moves me
it moves me to my core
it keeps me up at midnight
it makes me long for more

there is a fire that burns me
it burns me to my core
it keeps me warm in winter
it makes of me a whore

there is a tree that guides me
it guides me to my core
it keeps my backbone anchored
it roots me to the floor

there is a sea that drowns me
it drowns me to my core
it keeps me moist in drought times
it makes my waters pour

there is a love that fills me
it fills me to my core
it keeps my heart wide open
it makes me loose my war

Thursday, October 29, 2015

The other body

Imprisoned in my body, a different body lies
More subtle of expression, less liable of ties
It bears the scars of elders, it heals the wound of age,
It wears its wings and feathers, it sheds all fits of rage.

Imprisoned in my body, a different body sings
More 'tuned to earth and nature, less bound to earthly things,
It sings without partition, it talks without a word,
It loves without a reason, it prays without a lord.

Imprisoned in my body, a different body hides
More grasping of sensation, less keen on virtue rides,
It longs to break its wrist chains, it craves for open air,
It dreams of seas and highways, it yearns to flee this chair.

Yet, as I move my body, the other body moves,
More free with every movement, less reticent to grooves,
They sync their hearts and centres, they merge their wills and sounds,
They blend their inner whispers as they dance on common ground.

Monday, October 12, 2015

mirror in mirror

the I in your eye
the you in my eye
mirror in mirror
fall from the sky
or fly?!
till mirrors brake
and eyes awake
to see
there's no I in eye
nor bird in sky
there's only the gaze
and the flight to amaze
us

Saturday, October 3, 2015

The veil

There is a shadow in my house
A catcher in the dark
Above the flooded city streets
I see a flying shark.

There is a whisper in my heart
A song for times of war
Across the seas in rubber boats
I see them reach the shore.

There is a stumble in my feet
A fear that makes me run
Beneath the tombs of shattered dreams
I see the dream to come.

There is a longing in my soul
A call for love and grace
Beyond the veil of what I see
I sense a healing space.



Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Song of the lonely mother

A lonely mother's nest
is empty of desire;
it seeks the quiet rest
to which the gods aspire.

A lonely mother's nest
is filled with bedtime stories
of heroes put to test
to claim their broken glories.

A lonely mother's bed
is empty of sensation;
it seeks the strength to shed
the sheets of confrontation.

A lonely mother's bed
is filled with gruesome fears;
she's grieving her beloved
on pillows moist with tears.

A lonely mother's heart
is empty of allegiance;
it seeks the will to part
with overwhelming credence.

A lonely mother's heart
is filled with sweet surrender,
it longs to fall apart
in rapture, bliss and splendor.


Saturday, September 12, 2015

Make believe

a glass of wine
a hungry heart
an empty city street
you make believe
you've done your part
so ends can finally meet

a song of freedom
a release
an ecstasy or two
you make believe
all sorrows cease
so dreams can all come true

a call to action
a rebirth
an ending to your shame
you make believe
you walk the earth
so no one's left to blame

a new beginning
a new day
an ally lost and found
you make believe
you've found your way
so all beliefs are sound.




Saturday, August 29, 2015

The song of day

The sun is setting,
So am I,
Upon the song of day;
A flock of crows
Is passing by
Carrying the song away.

The moon is rising,
So am I,
Upon the lonely hearts;
Two weary children
Cling their hopes
To mother’s lullaby.

The wind is blowing,
So am I,
Upon the sleepy town;
Two lovers
Sigh a warm release,
Caressing skins that lie.

The rain is falling,
So am I,
Upon the drunken roofs;
A midnight driver
Steers his car
Amongst the flooded proofs.

The sun is rising,
So am I,
Upon the song of day;
The flock of crows
Is flying back,
Carrying the song away.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Present, continous

Going down the serpentines
again,
Crossing over borderlines
of pain,

Marching through the land of stones,
bare feet,
Resting on my tired bones,
asleep,

Dreaming in the dead of night,
sweet dreams,
Dancing by the firelight
it seems,

Waking up to a new dawn,
new day,
Lifting off into the storm,
away,

Flying high above the rain,
wet wings
Digging deep inside the pain,
blood springs

Searching for the real me,
my own,
Finding out how to just be,
alone,

Bringing back the One who knows,
the wild,
Letting go of all sorrows,
brave child,

Opening the weary heart's
abyss,
Tearing all my fears apart
to bliss,

Loving life inside my vines
and then,
Going down the serpentines
again,

Monday, August 10, 2015

Every little thing

Darling child, here is my arm
I will keep you safe from harm
You may turn your light down low
Seeds need darkness as they grow
Minds need magic to believe
Hearts need love so they receive
Eyes need tears to see the truth
Hands need art to keep their youth
Hips need dancing round the poles
Feet need earth beneath their soles
Wombs need fire to create
Lungs need air to celebrate
Blood needs water to refine
Bones need structure to align
Skins need touch to sense the vibes
Souls need dreams to find their tribes
Wounds need grace to heal the scar
Life needs you just as you are
Everything will be alright
Darling child, just shine your light.

*for Rhonda Darling , and all sensitive children longing to be seen, heard and assured they matter.

Friday, August 7, 2015

the Unsung

untame your dreams
untangle your schemes
undress your layers
unpray your prayers
uncast your curses
unravel your verses
untie your tongue
and sing the Unsung

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Embrace the wild

Embrace the wild
as the mother her child
as the sea her shore
as the saint a whore
as the sky her clouds
as the wind her crowds
as the earth her dead
as love the beloved
as grace the mild
Embrace the wild.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

The wonder of Wanda

Wanda, I wonder how
Did your tears learn to flow,
Did your strenght learn to grow,
Did your heart learn to bow,
How?

Wanda, I wonder where
Did your poems strip bare,
Did your fate turn unfair,
Did your song fade to stare,
Where?

Wanda, I wonder why
Did your feet soles run dry,
Did your hands curse the sky,
Did your eyes see the lie,
Why?

Wanda, I wonder when
Will you sing Grace again,
Will you dance for sinnermen,
Will you love with your pen,
When?

Friday, July 10, 2015

Just Alchemy

Dance to the wind when wings in the air,
Dance for the skinned, the wingless, the bare,
Dance off your feathers, your shape and your crown,
Dance with forgiveness and never look down.

(just) Float.

Dance to the fire when feathers are shed,
Dance for the sparkless, the moist and the dead,
Dance off your ashes, your mind and your past,
Dance with the phoenix, reborn at last.

(just) Burn.

Dance to the earth when ashes are buried,
Dance for the homeless, the weak and the hurried,
Dance off your senses, your battles, your bones,
Dance with the wild one who lives in the stones.

(just) Dig.

Dance to the water when stones are weathered,
Dance for the thirsty, the dry and the tethered,
Dance off your anger, your fear and your pain,
Dance with the grace that makes you humane.

(just) Flow.

Dance to your heart when all else is tasted,
Dance for the loveless, the lonely, the wasted,
Dance off the fire, the winds, seas and dirt,
Dance with me my lovely, I'll hold your hurt.

(just) Trust.

*for Maureen, dancer and alchemist of opposites

Sunday, June 21, 2015

geosimetrie

puterea mea de femeie
se invarte in cercuri
ia aminte

meridianul drept
din buricele pantecului meu
prin buricele degetelor tale
pana in buricul pamantului
ma naste

meridianul stang
drept din inima mea
prin inima ta
in inima pamantului
ma creste

emisfera nordica
din miezul mintii mele
prin ochii tai
in ochiul pamantului
ma oglindeste

emisfera sudica
din radacinile talpilor mele
prin talpile tale
in talpa pamantului
ma plimba

polul sus
din sanul meu de miaza-noapte
prin gura ta
in gura pamantului
ma canta

polul jos
din sanul meu de miaza-zi
prin dorul tau
in sanul pamantului
ma poarta

puterea mea de femeie
se invarte in cercuri

vezi bine

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

poate de aceea

Poate pentru ca e luni
si m-am trezit cu gandul la luna
ce va deveni albastra
cand va fi eliberata din stransoarea
pamantului

Poate pentru ca mi-am pierdut vocea
urland pe dinauntru
gatuita de necantec
si am uitat sa ma eliberez din stransoarea
pamantului

Poate pentru ca drumul e lung
pana la muntele pe care
imi rostogolesc bolovanul zi de zi
socotind urcusurile dupa invartelile
pamantului

Poate pentru ca s-a cascat un ochi
pe dinauntru
singurul ochi ce se vede pe sine
nesocotind de buna seama legile
pamantului

Poate pentru ca acum vad si nevazutul,
de aceea pot orbi pe nesaturate
si pot iubi pe nechibzuite
auzind pentru prima data chemarea
pamantului



Tuesday, March 31, 2015

cand copiii dorm

cand copiii dorm si e liniste
imi numar gandurile
de la o mie
pana la unul
pentru toate zilele
de la noi
pana la eu
de la cer
pana la bucatarie
si inapoi.

cand copiii dorm
imi numar visele
unul ici
unul colo
descuamate
desperecheate
desucheate
demachiate
visele mele
uitate.

cand copiii dorm
imi numar grijile
o mie
si una
croite anume
pentru a albi
noptile
pentru a scoate
petele
de constiinta.

cand copiii dorm
imi numar paharele
unul
inca unul
socotesc gandurile
si visele
si grijile
ce mai au inca
a se ineca
in pace.

cand copiii dorm
si e liniste
si totul e socotit
numarat
cumpatat
ingropat
mai zabovesc
o vreme
ca ploaia
inainte sa cada.





Thursday, March 26, 2015

De vreme ce-mi placi

Trece o vreme-om
[...]
De vreme ce traiesti din aproape in departe,
Aproapele devine insuportabil
Caci aproape te-ai nascut,
Aproape ai trait,
Aproape ai murit;
Tu te lepezi de aproape
Si, totusi, eu te pastrez printre gesturile mele.

Mai trece o vreme-peste
[...]
De vreme ce aluneci din departe in aproape,
Netarmurirea devine insuportabila
Caci ramai fara degete
de tatonat marea de pe tarm;
Iti tii respiratia si plonjezi,
Tu te scufunzi in dedesubturi
Si, totusi, eu te ademenesc printre valurile mele.

Mai trece o vreme-pasare
[...]
De vreme ce plutesti din aproape in aproape,
Orizontul devine insuportabil
Caci aripile de peste
Nu scruteaza zarea,
Iti iei avant si zbori;
Tu te inalti in vazduhuri
Si, totusi, eu te zbor printre dorurile mele.

Si vine o vreme-spirit
[...]
De vreme ce te mori din departe in departe,
Usuratatea devine insuportabila
Caci al Apei ai fost,
Al Vantului esti,
Al Pamantului vei fi;
Tu te codesti sa arzi Focului asa si pe dincolo
Si, totusi, imi placi, asa ca eu te strecor printre nimicurile mele.

Ce vremuri [...]

*Photo:  Glitch, Mirandus Lucerna.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Fuck what they're saying

They say you should work harder,
They say you're late again,
They say you've lost your ardor
And that you are to blame.

But what say you, my dear,
When all your lights are out?
How do you tame your fear?
How do you soothe your doubt?

They say you've hurt their feelings,
They say it's not enough,
They say you've pierced their ceilings
And that you're not so tough

But what say you my sweetheart
When all your love is drained?
How do you grieve your lost art?
How do you bleach what's stained?

No matter what they're saying,
Their words belong to them.
Beware of what you're slaying
As yourself you condemn.


Friday, March 13, 2015

Saving Grace

Call it intervention, call it what you may
Name it for all women, call it a decay
But when I touch my body, touch is gone astray
Gone between the rapture and the feeling of dismay.

Call it buried burden, call it future blame
Name it for all women, call it burned out flame
But when I light my body, light will turn to shame
Torn between desire and starving for an aim.

Call it curse of history, call it twist of fate
Name it for all women, call it ancient slate
But when I move my body, love will fade to hate
Caught up between temptation and plain all fucking bait.

No matter how you call it, no matter what you face
The shadows of your rapists, the demons in your space,
The sins of all the fathers, erased without a trace
May all sins be forgiven by women saving grace.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

The offering

she sits alone in her kitchen at night
after lights out
when all her outer work is done
she revisits some to do list or other
what is required of her
is it her duty or is it her purpose
which is it
she wonders
her children are fed, washed, pampered, soothed
they are mothered and she may rest
but alas, she cannot find her rest yet
there are things required of her still
offerings to be shared
so she surrenders
and her inner work begins

she sits alone in her kitchen at night
after lights out
and contemplates on grace
she contemplates on purpose
on life and death
lights in, lights out
sunrise, sunset
beginnings and endings
it all goes round in circles
in her head

but what about her heart
what about her dreams
what about her handy work
her undanced body
her untouched skin
her undisclosed secrets
her unwatered garden
her unwritten story
her unpainted masterpiece
her unmothered inner child
her unnurtured soul
what about her

will she ever learn to feed herself
before she breastfeeds the whole wide world
will she ever dare to ask for what she needs
before she offers what she lacks
will she ever forgive her own unmothered mother
before she mothers her daughters down the same path
will she ever surrender to whatever is
before she expects the world of herself
will she ever commit to synergy
before she succumbs to the hierarchy of dominance
will she ever rise out of her own ashes
before she burns out in the fire of her past
will she ever let go of all answers
before she comes undone
into the wisdom of her elders

she sits alone in her kitchen at night
but she is not in fact alone
she sits in a circle of women
women of yesterday
women of now
women of tomorrow
and she feels their pain
the pain of all womankind
she can feel it all
knowing it does not belong to her
she can see and release as she sees
releasing them all to peace.

this is her offering





Thursday, February 19, 2015

The betrayal

When did the soul woman lose her soul,
When did she feel the most betrayed,
Was it when her sugar man deceived her bowl,
Or was it when he strayed?

When did the wise woman lose her wit,
When did she feel the most befooled,
Was it when her teacher lost his grit,
Or was it when he schooled?

When did the loving woman lose her love,
When did she feel the most denied,
Was it when her beloved wouldn't see,
Or was it when he spied?

When did the childish woman lose her play,
When did she feel the most constrained,
Was it when her daddy lead astray,
Or was it when he chained?

When did the wild woman lose her beast,
When did she feel most tamed,
Was it when her hunter leashed her wrist,
Or was it when he aimed?

No matter what betrayal she has stored,
What blindness, taming, hurt,
A woman's soul can be restored
By digging up her dirt.

To all men who have taught me Me, with love an reverence.

Monday, February 9, 2015

The light of love

You see, this one is for you
So you can hear my voice
the voice of my heart
in the dark.

I will not speak of it then
none of it, for my voice
will tell it's own story
in the meantime.

I will sit quietly on this chair
Open my mouth and listen
as the song sings itself
in the silence.

You see, here is me
mouth shut, heart open
or is it the other way around
in the mind.

I will hang on for a while
as the last spell will be uncast
and the last words will be unspoken
in the light of love.

You see, this is the light of love.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

All I need is this

I expected so much of you
To build me a home
To fill it with memories and love
To build it on trust and kindness
To ground it deep in our hearts.

I expected the world of you
To plant your seeds in me
To nurture me and be my safe place
To love me where one could not be loved
To be faithful.

I expected the worst of you
To leave me hanging in my worst of times
To bail on your dreams
To bail on your children
To bail on your sanity
To bail on us.

I expected the best of you
To raise up to your potential
To meet me halfways always
To navigate my oceans
To fulfil my needs.

I expected so little of you
To be there
To love tender
To be true
To take out the garbage.

I expected the promise of us
To last though the storm
To care for our home
To never hold out
To give up the fight.

Little did I know
To forgive your worst
To accept your best
To let go of all
To accept the whole.

Be that as it may
I expect today
To forgive myself
To love and foremost
To expect nothing at all.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Labyrinth of mystique

The open window to the night
The moan of seagulls in their flight
A glass of wine to slow the mind
A world of shadows intertwined.

Between the what you see and don't
Between the down below and front
Between the airy and serene
Between the gloomy and obscene.

You close your eyes and slip away
Become the hunter or the prey
Become the seeker or the pawn
You close your eyes and wait till dawn.

You dare not enter but alas
You're dancing barefoot on the glass
It is not you who will pursue
It is the dance that dances you.

The more you render to delay
The more you try to disobey
The more you'll swamp into the daze
Forever baffled in the maze.

Yet as you search for your way out
Amongst the likes of fear and doubt
You stumble on the golden key
You face your shadows and you're free.



Wednesday, January 28, 2015

The kitchen sink psychodramas


There is a place within her home
A place inside her garden
The only place where she can moan
The only place of pardon.

A woman’s place of doom and grief
A grave yard of desire
Where all her dreams are buried deep
And mourned into a fire.

A woman’s place of disbelief
A grave yard of her longing
Where all her yearning fades away
Instead of decomposing.

And buried there are all her ghosts
Her unsung songs, her stories
Her unborn children, her unloved
The spooks of all her glories.

She stands beside her kitchen sink
Before the dirty dishes
As she would stand beside the grave
Of all her long lost wishes.

She lights a candle in her heart
She spills those lonely tears
She bows to all which fell apart
Over her lonely years.

Her hands are dirty elbow high
From digging mold and clay
To excavate her broken soul
As she begins to pray.

She prays for meaning, prays for peace
She pledges to cease stalling
But most of all she prays for love

She vows to face her calling.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Before you dance with me

Before you dance with me, you see,
There’s something you should know,
I dance my feelings, dance my heart
the fire down below.

Before you dance with me, look out,
There’s more than meets your eye
I dance my belly, dance my heart
my longing with a sigh.

Before you dance with me, agree
There’s nowhere else but here
I dance my story, dance my truth
my everlasting youth.

I may be stiff around the edge,
There’s fear in my bones
Or I might even stumble in
your feet as cold as stones.

But I am soft as clay within
My inner sea of chance,
So you may dive or drown in it
before we even dance.

I know I have a lot to learn
Of balance, twists and turns,
To stand my ground and pull my weight
to walk the floor that burns.

But don’t you dare to hush my song
Pretending to know more,
To preach your dance, to show it off
parade your ego on the dance floor.

And don’t you tell me to relax
Don’t mold me to your need
For if I felt the strength in you
I’d have no choice but trust your lead.

Oh, I don’t care for your advice
I’ll take it in and smile
I’ll do my best but in the end
your moves are cold as ice.

But if you hold me in your arms
And listen with your heart,
Before you dance with me you’ll know
that you have done your part.

[to all those tiresome tangueros who still need to learn how to hold a woman and breathe with her, level with her, instead of showing off their infinite tango wisdom; and to all those who already know]

Thursday, January 22, 2015

The big bad truth

The truth is not so pretty,
it's neither easy, nor it's bright.
The truth will strike in anger,
will blind the darkness into sight.

The truth is am a coward
to blame and curse in spite,
despite of my own power
as I say I'm alright.

The truth is I am a housewife
with no flame left to ignite,
discarding my true calling
as I become polite.

The truth is I'm a looser
much to my own delight,
discarding my own nature
as I give up the fight.

The truth is I'm an actor
caught up in sheer stage fright,
oblivious of bravery
as I protest my might.

The truth is I'm dependant
depending on the knight
who sheds he's shining armour
as I hold on so tight.

The truth is I'm a liar
drunkin' rhyming through the night
discarding my own poem
as I turn off the light.

To my sister, the gifted truth digger


Monday, January 19, 2015

Ode to fear

I'm afraid
I'm afraid I'll die
with my song inside of me
Oh, please, won't you sing to me
My heart whispers
Won't you let me in
Just let me in.

I'm afraid
I'm afraid I'll die
with my dreams inside of me
Oh, please, won't you dream of me
My beloved whispers
Won't you make love
Just love.

I'm afraid
Im afraid I'll die
before I die
with my life inside of me
Oh please, won't you live with me
My soul whispers
Won't you just listen
Just listen.

I'm afraid
I'm afraid I'll die
before I'll get a chance to see
why
Oh, please, won't you show me why
My mind whispers
Won't you show me why
Just show me.

I'm afraid
I'm afraid I'll die
before I will have been seen
Oh please, won't you see me
My God whispers
Won't you dance with me
Just dance.

I'm afraid
I'm afraid I'm running out of time
before I take a risk
Oh please, won't you be my friend
My fear whispers
Won't you let go
Just let go.




Friday, January 16, 2015

The great escape

There is a wild thing
sleeping inside,
inside my bones,
my womb of stones,
ever so weary,
ever on the hide.

There is a wild thing
sleeping deep inside.

She was once my bride,
she was once so wild,
wild with desire
in my womb of fire,
ever so pure,
ever immature.

There once was a wild thing,
she was once king.

Now and then she wakes,
my soft ground she shakes,
shakes me to the core,
now and then I roar,
howl at the moon,
shatter my cocoon.

Now and then she wakes,
From the grave she brakes.

From the grave she's rising
without compromising,
from the 'should's and 'what if's,
down the drains and high cliffs,
from the womb of fears,
down the path of tears.

Brake free from my chamber,
Wild thing, I remember
you.


Monday, January 12, 2015

Bare

May you bear my anger
May you bear it well
May you bear your bearings
And may you bear your cell.
May you bear your fears
May you bear them well
May you bear your lonely
Lonely, lonely spell.

May you bear your offspring
May you bear your hurt
May you bear your bare feet
And may you bear the dirt.
May you bear your pretence
May you bear it well
May you bear your lonely
Lonely, lonely smell.

May you bear your nail
May you bear your choice
May you bear your bearings
May you bear your voice.
May you bear your bedtime
May you bear it well
May you bear your lonely
Lonely, lonely shell.

May I bear my shell crack
May I bear it well
My I bear my lonely
Lonely, lonely hell.
But may we bear together
The long lost missing parts
And may we bare in silence
The God within our hearts.