Father, may I breathe in church?

My sweet child,
I have built a home for you
to shelter your innocence
and safe keep the seeds of your dreams
Yet in the building I have lost myself
I held my breath
and could not bear to look at you
for in you I saw the innocence I had lost.

My wild rose,
I have built a temple for you
to shelter your prayers
and echo the voice of God back to you,
yet in the building I have lost myself,
I held my breath
and I could not hear the choir of angels
singing through your voice.

Forgive me,
for in my last prayer inside this temple
I can finally hear you
and your voice is the sound of grace
reclaiming the gift of breath
inside the church of this body.

Forgive me,
for in my last breath
I am whispering to you
I can finally see you
and you are beautiful,
You are precious,
You are strong
like the wild roses
in the garden I have forsaken for so long.

I thought I was here to protect you
and teach you the ruthless ways of this world
yet in the end, I see
it was you all along
teaching me that
I am safe to be here,
I am safe to surrender my breath to this love.

*To Cecilia and her garden of oak trees and wild roses, with love and reverence

Prayer

We are pilgrims,

We have come a long way
To kneel our burdens
before these shrines
where hope glitters
framed in golden temples.

We pray,

We pray for redemption
We pray for someone
to please come save us
to please come love us
Love our bodies
Love our land
Love our castles
Made of sand.

And still,

The only prayer that matters
Is the song of the mockingbird
Sheltered by a willow tree
kneeled above the water
where the sky bends over
to pour it's tears of grace.

This prayer,

Is the whisper of the heart
fierce and silent like the wind
Is the fire in the belly
the ocean of breath
Is the song that makes the body dance
all the love sheltered in these pilgrim bones.

Blessing

Blessed be your silence
and all the tales it births,
the flowers in my garden,
the bodies in my earth.

Blessed be my tears
and all the floods they make
to summon up my fears
from underneath the lake.

Blessed be this heartache
and all the walls it builds
to make you climb the mountain,
to make me drop my shields.

Blessed be our loving
and all the light it shines
to get us through the darkness,
to read between the lines.

Kiss me

With every layer of skin you shed,
With every word to be unsaid,
With every prayer you uncast,
You burn the story of your past.

With every ragged bone you break,
With every crumbled step you take,
With every liberty you vow,
You birth the story of your now.

With every moment that goes by,
With every sun that leaves the sky,
With every heartbeat, every breath,
You're getting closer to your death.

And even though you know all this
You still get hungry for one kiss,
You still refrain and play your part,
You still get locked outside your heart.

With every kiss that you refrain,
You burn, give birth and die again.

Who am I

I am the wind
that dances you
when you surrender
what you knew
the air you breathe
the touch you feel
the tears you taste
the skin you peel
the lies you swallow
when you fake
the smile you wear
after you break.

I am the fire
that ignites
the spark of madness in your eyes
when you speak up
for what you claim
when you stand naked in the rain
and pour your self
with no refrain
through every crack
of human pain.

I am the earth
that roots your feet
the moist embrace of dark and deep
where you sink in
the weight of sin
where you dig up
the pearl within
and you come clean
just as you are
my child, my seed
my shining star.

I am the sea
that drowns your fears
the gentle waves
that shore your tears
and hold your space
and count your years
as you dive in
to bless your heart
to fall apart
before you start
to swim.

I am the love
that softens you
when all is lost
and all is new
when you ache and burn
and twist and turn
for all that was
and is no more
for what should be
not as before
I am the love
within your core.

Ashes to beauty

In this house there is a mountain
piles and piles of laundry and dishes
rising with each sun that sets
thick forests where things get lost
never to be found again
and tiny sharp wild creatures
eager to sting and snare at every step.

I follow the trail of bread crumbs
under couches and chairs
down on all fours
like a battle horse
saddled by its own weight.

I sweep the floor
with my own tears
I dust the shelves
of my own ashes
as I promise myself
that someday I will climb this mountain
and sit on it's highest peak
clothed in but a song
to bless this house of mine.

Today this is a house of prayer
and this weight, the saddle of god.

The song of the lonely dreamer

Come, shatter me open
strip me bare
layer by layer
of armour and fear
desire and doubt.

Creep under my pillow
as I lay my head down
and infuse my sleep
with long forgotten worlds
where I can time travel
and fly and slay dragons
with the power of innocence.

Come and, as I wake
I promise to remember you
and birth you into this realm

I will drum you on my magic drum
to open the gate to clear skies
and underworlds alike,
for the wingless dreamers
who long to fly.

I will paint you with my bare hands
upon scary white canvases
and grey city walls alike,
for the colorblind dreamers
who long to see.

I will dance you with my naked body
on sacred dance floors
and living room floors alike,
for the crippled dreamers
who long to move.

I will sing you with my weary voice
as it falls on many deaf years
to reach but one open heart
of a lonely dreamer
who longs to hear.

I will write this poem for you
despite my utter loss of words
before the gratitude I feel
for being chosen by you.

Maybe all that is useless to you,
nothing but a dreamer's idle nonsense
scattered to the wind
with the dust of good intentions.

Maybe you expect the world of me
and I will fail to birth you
in this world
of concrete things.

But, as it is, come nonetheless
to clothe me, mold me,
inhabit me, transform me
ask the world of me.

Come, and I will give you all that I am,
be that only dust in the wind,
I will ask for nothing in return
but the privilege to carry you in my heart
each and every day
like the precious, life giving force that you are.